Behind a mask

Still on the outside looking in,
an outcast is what I've always been
as the days pass by so fast..

Still hiding behind a mask
"why" you ask?
Truthfully,
I feel like a phony sometimes
hiding behind rhymes
as well as fabricating my own hell
trapped in this mental cell
so deep
into delusions I fell
"Got no soul to sell
help me get away from myself"

I wanna silence all the screams within
I wanna banish all the bullshit
bombarding my mind

Can "you get me closer to god"?

I can't fathom
all the faces I felt fearful to look at
why must I feel this way almost everyday?
A struggle to find comfortability
in each moment
as being around others greatly alters my behavior and personality
ruining reality..
a true travesty,
anxiety still taunts me
no way to feel free
when judgement from others is
all I let myself see,
This isn't the way it has to be.

I notice this nervousness
causes such a mental mess
elevating the levels of stress
guess that's why I don't leave
this address I just stay reclusive
           lost in my head
from the moment I wake up
till the moment I'm back in bed
A hermit at this point
     soon to spark this joint
       the green never disappoints
except when
I'm presented with
 repressed thoughts
and emotions..

Being alive is weird as shit
I must admit.