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Dear Body  That I almost destroyed

Dear body that I almost destroyed , I'm sorry for making you stay with a man that didnt love you a man that made it seem like it was hard to love you when all you wanted was  to be held . I'm sorry for making this man ruin you making you feel worthless and ripping you apart piece by piece. With every season he took apart of you so he could complete himself . Like January 19th 2018 when you woke up to is phone buzzing around three in the morning just for you to find out that he's replaced you and when confronted turning the tables on you and leaving you there in the middle of the night with tears running down your face wondering what you did wrong, why you wernt good enough . And when he returned in Feburary he got you flowers not because they reminded him of you but because you are easily convinced that people change, now with every mistake he makes he brings you flowers , little did he know that you cant look at orchids the same way anymore without your chest getting heavy cause all the memories come flowing back just like the tears that you held back in March , your birthday month you had turned 22 and he left you sitting at a bar waiting for hours then showing up late and smelling like someone elses home , and here we go in April where you have finally givin up it was around 7.30pm when you took the sleeping pills he had come home from work in a bad mood and like usual you were the emotional punching bag , You wernt trying to kill yourself you just wanted to sleep so you took three more . three more turned into twenty three you knew what you were doing but couldn't stop . You have been depressed for months losing your battle a little more each night you weren't trying to end your life you just wanted sleep and when these pills started to take effect you began to lose sight so you lay down your heart started to race and words began to slur the chest pains came then your fragile body began to convulse then when you came out of it you began to turn pale and hands became cold the last thing you remember was no one noticing that you were dying and then I closed my eyes . You  woke up in a hospital alone no one had even bothered to come hold you cause lord knows how bad you hurt lord knows how you cried to sleep begging to take you . No on had noticed how you no longer smiled how you stopped dancing to Billy Idol how you stopped singing to your favorite songs , No one noticed you die your gorgeous body covered by a sweater 3 sizes bigger because it was the closest to warmth you've felt in so long , your once thick curly hair lay in a bun on top of your head now became a knotted mess on top of your head . The day he asked to marry you ,you had said yes but you knew deep down that you couldn't go through with it months passed and the ring around your finger turned the skin green you were on your way home when a noise came from upstairs he should of been at work but was in your bed with someone else . I remember how your heart dropped and throat closed up you couldn't figure out what you were more hurt about , him being with another woman or that woman being your best friend . Its been a while since that's happened but you have been sleeping on the floor. Forgive me for not telling you to leave sooner forgive me for not loving you the way you deserved and to the man that chooses you next I hope he brings you flowers when he thinks of you on a Tuesday night and not when he makes a mistake I hope he loves the way your hips curve and the way you laugh I hope when he makes love to you he loves each and every part of your pale skin I hope he holds your hand and kisses you goodnight I hope he lets you drape your legs around him in the night I hope he lets you hold on to him when you are deep in your sleep and reassures you that he wont leave you in the early morning and if he does he's simply brewing coffee in the kitchen , sweet girl I hope you find a man that makes you the wife you someday want to be and the mother you know you can be so please to the Dear body I almost destroyed let me forgive myself .
Written by MoonChild96
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