Minnesota Tonight

(Currently -50 below Fahrenheit windchill)


Siberian express from the northwest
Blizzard’s fury descends without mercy
Great Gitche-Gumee lake effect
Unpredictable ferocious flurries

Sodas in quilted parkas
With balaclava covered faces
Look like walking grenades
In terrorist masquerade

Thirty below wind-chill
Trapped in a polar vortex
Instantly freezing exposed flesh
Amusing King Boreas Rex

Chisel ice from the windshield
Kick snirtbergs from the wheel wells
Now’s the time to ride and slide
Now’s the time to do or die

Heavy vertical blow
Zero visibility on the road
Just follow the other guy
He’ll know where to go

Go slow you’ll get stuck
Go fast spin like a top
Oncoming traffic will crush
White knuckles a must

The temperature drops into double digits
Hospitals man surgeons in shifts
“If flesh turns black, we must hack”
Noses, ears, fingers, toes, an occasional penis

Causalities mount from fridge
Ice blocks break from building eves
Killing pedestrians in an instant
On a lake a Subaru becomes a submarine

Teen couple parks on secluded lane
Succumbing to carbon monoxide poisoning
Found days later in naked embrace
Thawing on a table in a city garage slowly

On average colder than Alaska
Frozen like a witch’s tit
Minnesota can be one
Unforgiving son-of-a-bitch!