Juxtaposition

Something was always eating me; some depression, my personality and my fears about the future were staring at me. This is tornado-chat name/embarrassment…we were in bed this weekend she was off duty (military) so we could spend time together. Distant was not new to the lifestyle but we were messing around (what gfs do) despite being miles away. She’s observing something pinching my chin and says “baby, you’re not ready” (not what worst case scenario was expecting) but when you are “I’m going to”… and at the same time did something to me. Not everyone’s a take advantage of the situation type, although that kinda thing was not so widespread then but now…she was “dystopian” (that’s some kind of juxtaposition to reconcile). I couldn’t never go out with friends without her blowing up my phone swearing I’m wronging her in some way. My main home girl’s laughing; not use to hearing me wimpy. “I’m just sitting here.” Well you’re my friend, you’re not supposed to know that side of me. I walked away for privacy. She’s still laughing her silly ass off. “It took you 3 rings to answer that mutha fucking phone, bitch; why?” I was not accustomed to that. And uh at that particular moment we were envisioning her as she was when we first met years before we got together and she was huge and goddess like; we were remembering her as we wanted her to be “Baby, I’m just sitting here drinking with my gf at the bar”…anyway that’s the lesson.