Slowly Losing Grip

Red hot don't touch
Why must I find myself
In a corrupt circumstance
Thirty five years
I been upon this earth
Thirty five years
An up and down battle
I have fought so long
Thirty five years
It would seem I would've been through
But I look at myself
And I'm afraid
I see parts of me
That I thought I had outgrown
Parts of me
That has taken me to dark places
Without no chances of finding light
Parts of me
Even myself
Didn't even recognize
And now I sit and ponder
The little things I have built
Goals and plans I have put in place
Starting to dismantle
Friends and relationships
I tried to make amends
But it only has
Started a fire
That's slowly out of control
I take the steps to smother it
But air seeps through
Igniting the flames
And I'm left
Running frantically
Without water or an extinguisher in hand