Living In Every Country Is the Life For Me

Have you ever thought of your home as being a place where each room is like a foreign country? There is the Living Country.  And there is the Cooking Country.  You have a Dining Country.  In another area you have a Sleeping Country.  That tiny country is the Bathing Country and the Pee Pee Country and the Poopie Country.

Let us take a journey.  Let us start in Livenavia.  You are presently sitting on the couch which is the capital city.  You look around and see the adjoining counties.  The county of the Recliner is such a peaceful place.  Television County is right down the road and remotely speaking it is very mountainous with all the channel you get.  That big rug is like a lake right in the middle.  Your house shoes are like canoes taking you all over.  You have decided to get your interior jet gased up to embark on a world tour of your home.

First class is the only way to travel to Kitchenville.  Your first stop will be Toaster County.  You are wanting to try out that new pop up wrap.  It takes only moments and there you are in your five star dining compartment looking out the window of Diningburg.  Your table has four Sitting Counties.  You take the head of the table and sitting in the Captain Chair you begin to munch with delight that new fangled tart.  You would add a very descriptive telling of the tart except it is gone in a few good bites.  What is there to tell about that?

You hate to eat and run but the jet is taking off in the Hallway of Gate One.  The runway is iced over.  Seems you been waxing today.  There will be a slight delay.  The stewardess brings you a bag of peanuts and a cold Coke.  Being the country pumpkin that you are, you proceed to put the peanuts in your Coke.  You pass the time swigging the concoction.  

The pilot comes over the speakers and informs you: "We are sorry for the delay and have now been cleared for take-off.  We will be arriving in Bedlam in about five hours and forty-five minutes."  Wow, you think, that pilot must be very sexy!

You brought four magazines to entertain yourself.  You open the copy of Comic Bodyguard Digest.  In no time you reach the back and see the ad pages.  You make a mental note to order a set of Lesbian Lickity Split carry on luggage.  These bags are guaranteed to get you packed and on your vacation in no time.  

Next you view the copy of Cigars and Champagnes that you got at the airport news counter.  Cigars are so much fun for when you want to set up a smoke screen.  And champagne is such a bubbling experience.

Your copy of Pens and Needles is not to be neglected.  You begin to get an idea for your next story and pick out a few patterns that you will be needle pointing soon.

Lastly you spend the most time absorbed in the copy of Dish News.  Playing in the water and making soap suds has always been a passion for you.  To save time you have even invented a way to do the dishes while scrubbing yaself in the tub.  Rubber Duckie has been trained to help you dry them.  If you hear a water fart during this story then it was Rubber Duckie and not me.

Finally you reach Bedlam.  A limo takes you to this one county island.  Your single bed is waiting and you find that it is just right.  You look around to see if the maid Goldie Locks has put that chocolate on your pillow.  You left the key in the mailbox so surely that big bad Wolf should arrive soon.  Hopefully Grandma is still down at the American Legion hall dancing her buns off and playing bingo way into the night hours.

You hear a knock on your bedroom door and sure enough it is the big bad Wolf walking into ya room.  He has shucked his attire in the house, leaving a trail from the front door to the entrance of your covers.  He is gonna huff and puff until he blows...well you know what.  

Later as you light your first after sex cigar, he pulls a few patterns of his own out and you select the patchwork design with a certain intention in mind and before long you are stacking the z-s and he is counting the sheep on Brokeback Mountain.

Tomorrow when you get up, the two of you can shower in the Rainforest Country.  There will be a Shaving County excursion for both you and the Wolf.  He will just have to use extra shaving cream.  If Goldie Locks gets back in time maybe she can serve you guys breakfast in bed.  It was such a night of love that you are both famished for some dick dumplings and an ample portion of cock roast.  This will all be washed down with a magnum of champagne.

Next week you can go out and tour a friend's home.  Wink.  But even before that we must see my attic and basement and garage.