deepundergroundpoetry.com

The Fourth of July Coffee Killer

He drank fourteen cups of coffee a day and died on the Fourth of July and he was not even a Yankee, Doodle, or a Dandy. Actually he was a poor pie taster in a dessert factory in Alabama.

Now it happened like this:

He lived in the old Maxwell House. If he had of had any taster's choice he would have still been 'a livin' with Moma. But his relationship with her played itself out to the last drop so one day he moved out.

One Fourth of July back in 1933 he was having his fourteenth and last cup of the morning when he got choked on a swallow of the potent brew. He jumped up from the table and ran past his Mr. Coffee machine, knocking it over and went to the wall in an attempt to self-administer the move that would unblock his throat passage. He place his two fists right above his navel and pumped away but to no avail. He pumped and pumped and succeeded only in dislodging the framed prints from the wall.

One came down on his head and knocked him senseless. He had very little sense to begin with. The frame shattered and shards of glass were embeddened into his scalp.

When they found him, there was still a drop of Folger's in his cup. It was good to the last drop until he dropped, choked to death on a cup of java.

They laid him out and people came from miles around: family and friends to view the body killed by the coffee bean. They put on his tombstone: "Sanka be to God" and in his name they began a scholarship to send students to Brazil to be trained to hand pick coffee bean with Juan Valdez.

I am his nephew and I get the feeling that he is still with me each time I go to Starbucks. I must go now. See ya latte'.
Written by DouglasWayne (Douglas)
Published
Author's Note
Oh Coffee pot, my coffee pot
When bean vines last in the dooryard bloom'd
A coffee drinker went forth from the cradle today
Enlessly sipping.

Nevermore said the bluejay
I will take no more the path untaken
I will instead strike out on the information highway
And be to Scotland afore ye.
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