Before solitude turns into loneliness
I have no idea, why am I here and what am I supposed to do. Did I choose this life and this body? Do humans even possess a soul? If so, It travelled far... why did I choose to be me? When I'll die, will I see myself from afar, descending into the past? Will I dissolve in space or will I live on?
Why choose such stubbornness? Often I don't understand myself. Alienated. Isolated. Doomed to live in four walls. Separated from the sky and the misty mountains. The grass and the trees. Put on display for others opinions... What schools should I finish, what jobs are best for me, everyone knows what's best except me... If it's so easy, look at yourself in the mirror, and tell me who are you? Just a silhouette. So don't judge me unless you know my story. I know I can accomplish everything I want, but I just don't know what I want. I am entirely puzzled and lost in the mess of everyday life.
I don't understand the hypocrisy. The nosiness. The smartass betterness. The violence, the jealousy, the envy... the pride that's built on shame.
I'm the first to leave everywhere, everywhen. I don't feel understood. Sometimes, I feel like I am the last person on earth. It's something we all wish for, from time to time, but it's just an exaggeration. I feel the real deal.
I learned to be my friend when I'm all alone. I learned to smile about the little things. I learned to dance in complete silence. I wrote so many poems. I learned so many things. All is now mostly abandoned. I believe one day I could be the best version of me... but there is no reason when you are all alone. There is no happiness unless it's shared.
"Happiness only real when shared."