the agony of healing

now that all's been said & done
the echoes of our demise still ring in my ears
it's disheartening
knowing nothing I ever said got through
thereís no way youíll ever see
you chose to give up on truth
welcoming the blindness that took hold of you
gouging out reality with cannibalistic claws
through parted fingers you jealously watched
as I gathered the tatters of my own damaged life
and carefully rebuilt
sewing seams in need of healing
discarding scraps no longer needed
while you hunkered down
refusing to budge
clinging to the threat of giving up
because being a victim is so much easier
always expecting change to come from somewhere else

I know, I've been there
it's not a pretty place
and though I tried for so long to help
at some point it's no more than enabling
a waste of time while you stubbornly denied
as though your pain alone was fore-ordained
seeing nothing & no one else
another length of barbwire barricading your heart
calling it protection but it's not
it's just a restrictive wall

disinterested in finding glimmers of light
you ruthlessly snuff out even the dimmest of sparks
hunting shadows instead
manufacturing what didnít exist
shrouding yourself in self-immolation's smoke
and giving reality another twist
now you wallow in its ashes
smudging yourself with its covering
burrowing so deeply in bitter you choke
barely getting by on the hollow illusions you create
instead of a life you refuse to claim
barely living & calling it survival
determined to cling to the thought
that no matter what...itís never your fault

I get it
life hurts
believe me, I know
but Iíve often heard it said
the distance between what you want
and what you get
is what you do
and Iíve found it to be true
all you see is a chance it might hurt
and the work
claiming itís too much for you
it's not a pass or fail life
unless, of course, you never try

and let me tell you something
going inward is agony
bare-handed sifting through the shards of sanity
where the mirrors that have shattered lay scattered
reflecting so much of what we donít want to see
but those same sharp edges are necessary
for breaking free
to cut away debilitating outer layers
like clawing through the tender flesh of our psyche
but thatís how we make room
to stretch & to grow
and to breathe
no, of course itís not easy
but itís so much better than dragging around the weight
of all our tainted yesterdays
crushing the fragile shoulders of our being
never expect reparation to come from someone else
if you want positive results
youíve got to go within
and do it yourself
Written by FromTheAsh
Author's Note
Copyright © 2019 FromTheAsh. All Rights Reserved
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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