deepundergroundpoetry.com
be fell
a dozen grappling insects
work on small kingdoms
around their earth, arranging
her morning skirts into lichens—
breathing least with darkness
as she-moths among stars;
white seeds vanished in fire-light
I tenderly slept, heard nothing
but water; remembered thoughts—
the trees, perfect branches
birds by my bed; night pockets
took me – before something dark
floated between luminous
rose and river stone—
at times, they
— all so full of doom—
who had never thought:
Do better—
fell back.
work on small kingdoms
around their earth, arranging
her morning skirts into lichens—
breathing least with darkness
as she-moths among stars;
white seeds vanished in fire-light
I tenderly slept, heard nothing
but water; remembered thoughts—
the trees, perfect branches
birds by my bed; night pockets
took me – before something dark
floated between luminous
rose and river stone—
at times, they
— all so full of doom—
who had never thought:
Do better—
fell back.
Published 5th Jan 2019
| Edited 30th Jan 2019
Author's Note
[ Godawful ] Non-entry for the [ Demonic ] 'Poetic Medic #2: To the Poem's Rescue: https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/10563/15/#437145
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 10
reading list entries 3
comments 11
reads 979
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
5th Jan 2019 5:41pm
Hahaha! I love your notation! 😂
But I'm PROUD of you for sticking with it and turning out a very cohesive story in this poem. Very evocative of the original poem and author who inspired it. 📝❤
💜💏💋
But I'm PROUD of you for sticking with it and turning out a very cohesive story in this poem. Very evocative of the original poem and author who inspired it. 📝❤
💜💏💋
5th Jan 2019 5:45pm
5th Jan 2019 5:47pm
5th Jan 2019 5:48pm
5th Jan 2019 5:56pm
Anonymous
- Edited 7th May 2019 00:46am
5th Jan 2019 6:25pm
<< post removed >>
6th Jan 2019 1:03am
had read it some times by now ..discounting all the comp. rules n prompts . had gone through this..reads so pristine of the cyclical nature & our inner self in a floating into the unquestioning depths of the sought lights..n more so the slanted stripes of the running darks in the fell..it stresses life, its deaths within ..n but an eternity overall..
more it evokes this piece..
loved the pithiness & an effect as if the prismatic reflections in n-intersections ..with that rightly fed pint of the cosmic backgrounds that is this pitchblack. motherly. loved the title much.
#juz me dear from ur art..
this latter part of ur craft is worthy of its mention in ur wise & unique form:
"night pockets
took me – before something dark
floated between luminous
rose and river stone –
at times, they
– all so full of doom –
who had never thought:
Do better –
fell back."
write on x
more it evokes this piece..
loved the pithiness & an effect as if the prismatic reflections in n-intersections ..with that rightly fed pint of the cosmic backgrounds that is this pitchblack. motherly. loved the title much.
#juz me dear from ur art..
this latter part of ur craft is worthy of its mention in ur wise & unique form:
"night pockets
took me – before something dark
floated between luminous
rose and river stone –
at times, they
– all so full of doom –
who had never thought:
Do better –
fell back."
write on x
You are more than generous, my sweet, poetic friend. This was a bear to wrestle down for me! I honestly didn't think it worked, but am happy it came across: those who refuse to do better, change or let go will always fall back into their old habits and routines, and thus never grow.
I hope you'll brave entering, but BEWARE, it's a challenge to say the least ( or it was for me )! But I think you could take it to a brand new level. <3
BTW, I Love You for being here and being you. <3
I hope you'll brave entering, but BEWARE, it's a challenge to say the least ( or it was for me )! But I think you could take it to a brand new level. <3
BTW, I Love You for being here and being you. <3
12th Jan 2019 10:43pm
birds by my bed; night pockets
took me – before something dark
floated between luminous
rose
i like the idea of darkness moving vs light. usually the other way around.
i'm struggling with it myself!! kudos.
took me – before something dark
floated between luminous
rose
i like the idea of darkness moving vs light. usually the other way around.
i'm struggling with it myself!! kudos.
Muahahahaha! This is one of the toughest and yet rewarding challenges once you complete it. I have no doubt you will overcome ( you have plenty of time ), and it will be fabulous.
Thanks for the kudos. Only those who are accepting this challenge have tasted its difficulty and subsequent reward!
Thanks for the kudos. Only those who are accepting this challenge have tasted its difficulty and subsequent reward!
