Loop of time

Thanks very much Bryan🙏

Great insight my friend

Thank you JusTim!

I really enjoyed your philosophy in this, Hunter.  As far as poetic form goes it could use a bit of work; therefore, to honor your request for honest critique, I would suggest the following:

Firstly, the rhymes appear forced, which dampens the message because the syntax isn't smooth; it's jagged and coarse.  Secondly, let's do some pruning of extraneous words, rearrange a bit, and see how it looks - see uf it reads more natural:

Loop of time

The eternal loop of time;
a neverending circle of experience
despite how sad you feel, or sublime -  
it's infinite love from the universe.

The passing of a "year",
shedding of a tear;
just a momentary mirage
we should not fear;

while it appears
we are fading away -
we are in fact, transforming
for the rest of our days.

Immersed in a dream of dreams,
aligning with nature;
an ever-changing stream -  
strangely arranged
in forms of energy.

While I can't hear your cadence on this and can only speak for myself,  this reads much smoother for me.  The rhyme seems less forced and many redundant and unnecessary words were removed.  

Believe it or not, that's not really a lot. The meat is solely yours, as is the philosophy.  I merely thickened the broth a bit.  

I do love your mind.

Wow thank you so very much for this Excellent comment and your creative critiquing so appreciated!🙏
I agree it does read better the way you suggested. i wrote this in sort of a rush but you definitely cleaned it up and helped to make it flow more naturally which I greatly appreciate! Your suggestions inspire me to keep improving my writing abilities
Thank you, much love🙏

Hunter, you have the mark of a true writer sans ego.  It was a pleasure.