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deepundergroundpoetry.com
Affording Entry (Quatern)
My blouse and skirt are slung over a chair
I kneel and lift my head; then you can see
Your cock uncovered by my tender care:
The gently-parted mouth affords entry;
Will you press to my throat? Now, after dusk,
My blouse and skirt are slung over a chair;
Into this vivid rosebud? Do you trust
My sucking lips to sooth your hard affair?
My breasts may droop a little, as you share
The sight of them - your hands strip my brassiere;
My blouse and skirt are slung over a chair,
And are soon joined by silken underwear.
My lips are sealed; but it is not the cat
That's got my tongue; I'm nude and I don't dare
To meditate a retreat, given that
My blouse and skirt are slung over a chair.
I kneel and lift my head; then you can see
Your cock uncovered by my tender care:
The gently-parted mouth affords entry;
Will you press to my throat? Now, after dusk,
My blouse and skirt are slung over a chair;
Into this vivid rosebud? Do you trust
My sucking lips to sooth your hard affair?
My breasts may droop a little, as you share
The sight of them - your hands strip my brassiere;
My blouse and skirt are slung over a chair,
And are soon joined by silken underwear.
My lips are sealed; but it is not the cat
That's got my tongue; I'm nude and I don't dare
To meditate a retreat, given that
My blouse and skirt are slung over a chair.
Published 1st Jan 2019
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likes 10
reading list entries 2
comments 20
reads 668
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
1st Jan 2019 2:25pm
1st Jan 2019 4:17pm
1st Jan 2019 2:41pm
Rising the form to a new level.
A blouse and skirt hung over the chair promises excitement. The perfect repetition to insidiously drive this sexy narrative.
A blouse and skirt hung over the chair promises excitement. The perfect repetition to insidiously drive this sexy narrative.
1st Jan 2019 4:18pm
this started life as a sonnet but I liked the line and saw it as you see it sir - innocence masking something more insidious
Dear O:
+a Quatern, -Quatrain
S4, L3 = 1 too many syllables
S1, L2 = no comma
S2, L1 = “ “ except at end of line
S4, L1 = “ “
Otherwise, a nice effort.🍸
+a Quatern, -Quatrain
S4, L3 = 1 too many syllables
S1, L2 = no comma
S2, L1 = “ “ except at end of line
S4, L1 = “ “
Otherwise, a nice effort.🍸
Thank you for the advice - I treated quiet as one syllable - but you are right. Disagree with you on the punctuation but thanks all the same.
1st Jan 2019 3:18pm
A lot of unnecessary punctuation was used, but remember, anything I or anyone else brings up when you’ve asked for opinions - are suggestions. So at least you responded to the two main issues I had found.
No worries.
No worries.
i shall have daddy spank me later for over punctuating - grins - thank you. Advice is always appreciated
1st Jan 2019 6:01pm
Is it? Hmm. I don’t recall advising you till now. To me, over the years, most of what I’ve read from you didn’t need me butting in. But punctuation does make a difference with flow & meter to the individual reader.☺️
Oh! I’m a poet ‘n don’t even know it.😊
Oh! I’m a poet ‘n don’t even know it.😊
1st Jan 2019 6:26pm
You're right - got me thinking too. Have played a little more - some of the nuances are hard to catch.
1st Jan 2019 3:11pm
Echo Tenderloin. Favourite verse (invoking gravity):
My breasts will droop a little, as you share
The sight of them with hands; strip my brassiere;
My blouse and skirt are slung over a chair,
And are soon joined by silken underwear.
My breasts will droop a little, as you share
The sight of them with hands; strip my brassiere;
My blouse and skirt are slung over a chair,
And are soon joined by silken underwear.
1st Jan 2019 4:12pm
1st Jan 2019 6:53pm
Very enjoyable and I now know what a Quatern is at least on a basic level. The line "My blouse and skirt are slung over a chair" definitely provided an erotic imagery for me.
1st Jan 2019 8:59pm
1st Jan 2019 9:21pm
I think your key line is the axis of a fine quatern. I believe this is the first of this type I've read in such fine erotic form.
2nd Jan 2019 9:47am
1st Jan 2019 9:47pm
Really liked the repetition of 'My blouse and skirt are slung over a chair' great line. Also vivid imagery, lovely work.
2nd Jan 2019 9:48am
2nd Jan 2019 4:14am
2nd Jan 2019 9:47am
