deepundergroundpoetry.com
Sleeping In The Forest
*
*Yes.*
*It was*
*an embrace*
*I felt when I ventured*
*into the embryo.*
*
*Of*
*when*
*I crouched*
*and peered, and was*
*the memory of*
*
*A*
*faintly*
*familiar feel*
*of freedom, that I had*
*merely saved*
*
*And*
*let slip,*
*till I was with*
*the earth while she had*
*softly whispered*
*
*The*
*first lesson*
*she ever taught me,*
*of the worlds in raindrops*
*and night wings.*
*
*It*
*had not*
*yet dawned on*
*the treetops or in my mind,*
*when a shower*
*
*Of*
*stars*
*suddenly erupted*
*in a perfect silence, while*
*the light of each*
*
*Ice*
*firebrand*
*quickly flickered*
*between the pine needles,*
*and raced across*
*
*The*
*warm*
*living soil*
*being turned,*
*that cradled me with*
*its lullaby, before dying out.*
*To sleep & sail by the reckoning*
*of the North Star.*
***
Written in the poetic form known as Concrete, which structures the poem with the words/lines to suggest the silhouettes of living and/or inanimate objects. In this case: Fir trees.
*Yes.*
*It was*
*an embrace*
*I felt when I ventured*
*into the embryo.*
*
*Of*
*when*
*I crouched*
*and peered, and was*
*the memory of*
*
*A*
*faintly*
*familiar feel*
*of freedom, that I had*
*merely saved*
*
*And*
*let slip,*
*till I was with*
*the earth while she had*
*softly whispered*
*
*The*
*first lesson*
*she ever taught me,*
*of the worlds in raindrops*
*and night wings.*
*
*It*
*had not*
*yet dawned on*
*the treetops or in my mind,*
*when a shower*
*
*Of*
*stars*
*suddenly erupted*
*in a perfect silence, while*
*the light of each*
*
*Ice*
*firebrand*
*quickly flickered*
*between the pine needles,*
*and raced across*
*
*The*
*warm*
*living soil*
*being turned,*
*that cradled me with*
*its lullaby, before dying out.*
*To sleep & sail by the reckoning*
*of the North Star.*
***
Written in the poetic form known as Concrete, which structures the poem with the words/lines to suggest the silhouettes of living and/or inanimate objects. In this case: Fir trees.
Written by
Jade-Pandora
(jade tiger)
Published 31st Dec 2018
| Edited 1st Feb 2019
Author's Note
Written for & entered in the Deep’s competition “Bone”, a tribute to nature poet Mary Oliver, hosted by Ahavati.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 14
reading list entries 3
comments 21
reads 832
Commenting Preference:
The author is looking for friendly feedback.
Re. Sleeping In The Forest
31st Dec 2018 5:05pm
Very lovely content, Jade! Thank you for braving Mary. Best of luck in the comp.
1
Re: Re. Sleeping In The Forest
31st Dec 2018 5:08pm
Re. Sleeping In The Forest
31st Dec 2018 5:33pm
Excellent demonstration of the concrete form! The content pulled delicate emotions forward in a most spiritual way. Thank you for the delightful pen poetess!
1
Re: Re. Sleeping In The Forest
31st Dec 2018 5:43pm
My humble thanks to you, Gentle One. How glad I am for your words at this moment, that will continue to radiate. And you’re most welcome, it’s not often I manage to do this form.
Re. Sleeping In The Forest
Anonymous
31st Dec 2018 6:32pm
Very good shape of a tree or trees; wonderful but not many write in that structure.
1
Re: Re. Sleeping In The Forest
Why thank you so much, my friend, I appreciate you coming in to read & to give me your thoughts. And yes, those are nine stanzas as nine trees. And as for not many who do this form, if you mean on this site, I’d agree. But as for elsewhere, or in R/L, there are more who know the form and use it more often.
As for me, I’ve got two more concrete pieces published here, but before coming here, I did more using the form.
As for me, I’ve got two more concrete pieces published here, but before coming here, I did more using the form.
Re: Re. Sleeping In The Forest
Anonymous
31st Dec 2018 9:18pm
I am so keen to see them!
1
Re: Re. Sleeping In The Forest
31st Dec 2018 10:09pm
Re. Sleeping In The Forest
Anonymous
31st Dec 2018 7:07pm
Jadey,
That is fantastic! You amaze me that you can write all these forms so beautifully.
And that stanza, of the 'first lesson', I thought was absolutely gorgeous.
Great write, Jadey. I wish I had room on my RL.
Matthew.
That is fantastic! You amaze me that you can write all these forms so beautifully.
And that stanza, of the 'first lesson', I thought was absolutely gorgeous.
Great write, Jadey. I wish I had room on my RL.
Matthew.
1
Re: Re. Sleeping In The Forest
31st Dec 2018 7:12pm
Hey, thanks puppy, I’m very glad you like what I’ve done. I enjoyed putting the piece together. As for the RL, I’m honored you’d add this if you had an opening. Well, maybe one day, but meantime, I’ve got your comment.
Re. Sleeping In The Forest
31st Dec 2018 7:17pm
pretty! feels very delicate and i felt like i was waving like fir branches in a winter breeze conferring with the sky.
and the form lended rather than distracted from the words. fabulous.
and the form lended rather than distracted from the words. fabulous.
1
Re: Re. Sleeping In The Forest
31st Dec 2018 7:24pm
Ooh dear sister, your insightful feedback is better for my confidence, on what I decided to do, than anything I can think of.
I hope you feel the long slow hug I’m giving you right now.
Your
Jade sister 🐅
I hope you feel the long slow hug I’m giving you right now.
Your
Jade sister 🐅
Re: Re. Sleeping In The Forest
Squeezes back. We went through something channeling Mary Oliver. How wonderful it is writing with others.
<3 <3 and a Happy New Year
Always
<3 <3 and a Happy New Year
Always
1
Re. Sleeping In The Forest
31st Dec 2018 8:18pm
Beautiful Jade. Love the form. I used to live on a road called Fir Tree.
Dark Sun. 😉
Dark Sun. 😉
1
Re: Re. Sleeping In The Forest
31st Dec 2018 10:15pm
Oh what a lovely name of a street to live on! I’d mention my address on the phone often when ordering goods or paying bills...
“Oh yes, that is correct... on Fir Tree Lane.”
🙋🏻♀️🤳🏻
“Oh yes, that is correct... on Fir Tree Lane.”
🙋🏻♀️🤳🏻
Re. Sleeping In The Forest
31st Dec 2018 9:11pm
This write is probably unique to this site. Love the structure of the tree. Just goes to show your versatility. Your wording is spot on. Wonderful work.
1
Re: Re. Sleeping In The Forest
31st Dec 2018 10:06pm
Aaw thank you so much, my friend, your support always helps to make my day. And you’re probably right about the write being unique to this site. It’s actually nine trees, but I don’t mind if there are readers who see the structure as one tall Douglas Fir.🙂
Hope New Years tomorrow is your cuppa tea! x
Jadey🎉🎊
Hope New Years tomorrow is your cuppa tea! x
Jadey🎉🎊
Re. Sleeping In The Forest
3rd Jan 2019 3:10am
I love the structure of this, it's a creative concept overall and art within poetry..
It's like the trees are telling their story, and the stars are twinkling on their branches as they grow in size, very pretty, I love it :)
It's like the trees are telling their story, and the stars are twinkling on their branches as they grow in size, very pretty, I love it :)
1
Re: Re. Sleeping In The Forest
3rd Jan 2019 5:24am
Oh yes, my Poet sister, your conceptual insight is spot on, and I’m honored that you stopped by to enjoy, and to offer me your thoughts. You are always kind & considerate to everyone. x
Re. Sleeping In The Forest
Anonymous
4th Apr 2019 11:26am
<< post removed >>
Re: Re. Sleeping In The Forest
4th Apr 2019 1:35pm