Must We Speak of Douglas

Douglas worked at our local Co-Op.
He has been Woking there since 1993.
In 25 years he has progressed from trolly dolly
To the position of
Check out operator.

Douglas enjoyed pressing
 the "Total" button
On checkout number 6.

"If only it was her G spot"
He wondered
Her G spot
His G spot
My G spot
It didn't matter
He was master of this
Particular fancy,

Douglas would spent most of his time staring into space
And would often look like he was stoned or retarded.

One day Douglas signed up for a dating agency
Handing over his £400 and signing on the dotted line
Douglas soon believed, be would as he so eligently put it
Swimming in a sea of pussy.

Then one day the dating agency called...
They could not match him up with anybody
ANYBODY!!

Douglas returned to his checkout
Imigining the buttons on his till, were the collective G-Spots
of a entire country.

Douglas became frustrated
Pressing every button on his till
Lost in a frenzied orgy of sexual frustration.

Douglas lept from his till
Making his way to the support pillar
Dropping his trousers
Douglas begain to girate his pelvis
Fucking the support.

Douglas ejacilated!!

Exspecting to be laughed and ridiculed
Douglas was was shocked to discover
That the entire store had disrobed and had started a improper orgy.

That day Douglas, had discovered many G spots including his own perverted love of anal sex.

The Isles were closed
due to the slippery substances,
Which caused many accidents,
But nobody seemed to mind.

Douglas was killed that day
Slipping on a used condom.
Douglas fat, ussless body
Rolled in the road
Ran over by a old woman
Driving a 1998 ford Sierra
With Colour me Bads 1990 hit single
"I'M Going to Sex you up"
Ozing from ifs modified speakers.


Douglas had a funeral
Nobody turned up.

Douglas died as he lived
A sorry slip of a man
Beaten with the ugly stick
Lost to the melody
Of a sick steady beat.

The moral of this story...

...look after your doug and your doug will look after you!