Lost Boy

              Lost Boy            
             
I miss you, more than I tend to admit.              
Now I've got lots on my mind              
that i need to emit.              
So here are some words              
that I'd like to submit to the page,            
about how we lost you at too young of an age.              
I thought you were strong, and you were,            
but you hurt a bit more than I gauged.              
Now you're ash in a box,              
and a name on a grave.              
Now you're only captured in thoughts              
and photographs. Sometimes I think            
this could have been stopped,            
you could have been saved.            
             
But we were deep down the rabbit hole,              
dancing with Alice.              
We all have to go eventually.              
For now, I'm alone in the palace,            
just me a throne and a chalice.              
Cold, wrapped in a throw,              
seeking my balance.            
The king, the queen, the guards,              
they've all left.              
The jokers are gone, no more jests.              
The gold's been spent,              
I'm mocked by empty chests.            
Still I wander here,              
even in my dreams while I rest.              
I tried to burn it all to see you in the next.            
Not that I believe in that,              
but for the longest time              
I believed that you would be back.              
I saved a Guinness for you,            
do you miss your cats?              
Do you miss morning bike rides,            
or afternoon naps?              
You missed my birthday,            
but I'll forgive you for that.            
           
Moving on, another chapter to write.            
You've got me hoping that              
there's an afterlife. If there isn't,              
then I guess this is goodnight.              
I just hope you feel all right.            
             
My voice now echoes down              
empty halls, beneath blackened skies.                    
Do I curse Alice, the rabbit,            
the hole, or my mind?          
Trapped, I study these walls in              
effort to memorize the climb.            
At times I imagine emerging            
covered in sweat and grime,            
but after so long submerged,              
the rabbit hole's light now burns my eyes.            
Lonely, in a dark corner,            
I lay cold and blind.            
I'm having trouble deciding            
on where I want to reside.            
In this empty castle           
a hollow shell,            
or is that the same as to die?            
Is it worth the hassle              
climbing out of this hell?            
It'll be tough, I've tried.            
Why can't you just be alive?               
             
I need a release,            
I keep dreaming that I'm trapped            
beneath the foot of my feats.            
I need to blow off some steam,            
I need my demons to cease,          
I need a trigger to squeeze.         
Cut the leash off some beasts,          
send me a fleet to defeat,              
or a dragon in heat    
to behead for a feast.                

Hell, while I'm wired            
I'll start a fire before bed.            
I'll slay a thousand winged beasts            
and bathe the entire castle in red,            
or gain peace in my defeat,            
as my soul slips from it's weary stead.            
I wish you were here,            
not just in my head.            
I miss how we joked,              
worked, bonded and bled.            
I can't believe that you're dead.            
I wish I'd known you were dying,            
I'd take back words that I said.            
I hope you know that I'm trying.            
I wish I'd known you were sick,            
while we were drinking and smiling,            
out all night below the city lights,            
picking fights, and prank dialing.            
If you are up there looking down,            
I hope that you’re still smiling            
and any time you find              
a moment to spare, could you              
read these lines Ryan,            
or would that be too death defying?        
       
Moving on, another chapter to write.            
You've got me hoping that              
there's an afterlife. If there isn't,              
then I guess this is goodnight.              
I just hope you feel all right.            
             
You could be childish,              
still you taught me to be a man.              
You had been violent, yet held              
compassion some will now never understand,            
damn. How could you leave us like this?            
We planted a tree for you,              
I hope you see that you're missed.              
It was a Linden, your favorite, I had to insist.              
I'll admit, for a little bit I was pissed.              
You could have talked to me.              
Looking back now, I see the hints.              
But we were two lost boys,    
busy burning up the motherland.            
Winter storms on the beach, we              
treated like wonderland.              
With our ski masks on,              
we were ready to hike.              
The goggles went on            
for icy rides on our bikes              
and when the gloves went up,              
we just might fight.            
Like when you crashed your truck              
into my car and we both threw strikes,              
then laughed it off and got high that night.            
We shared Caesars in the morning before              
even a bite. Bonfire at noon and by two,            
we were feeling all right.       
             
Life without you is a trip,              
I'll try to carry on your essence.              
I aim to learn from your mistakes,            
and pass along your lessons.              
I'm currently pumping the brakes,              
to deal with some depression.              
It's got me reminiscing              
about your kind gestures            
and funny expressions.              
Arguments and barbecues, late night confessions,              
trail walks and comic book sessions.            
Real talks, about whatever had us stressing.            
In times that I was my worst enemy,            
you were a great friend to me, no question,            
and I'm sorry if I took you for granted.            
             
It felt like we were meant to meet              
like we both came from another planet.            
Now I'm forced to bid you farewell,            
of course, not how I planned it.              
There are so many stories to tell,            
next to your tree that we planted.            
Still, I get broken up,            
the duo's been disbanded.              
I hate that you're gone,            
and at times I can't stand it.              
I try to move on, but            
I'm scared, I've been abandoned.            
I try to be strong,            
but I feel stranded and            
it's got me on a tangent again.            
That's why for now, my hand stays            
clamped to a pen.              
You were a hell of a pal,            
you were a champ of a friend.            
I miss you buddy,              
I'll carry you till the end.              
I wish you a peaceful slumber,              
wishes are now all I can send,            
and when I'm six feet under            
I hope we meet again.              
But until then, know              
that you're remembered              
and missed, Until then,              
I'll pretend that you're in              
heaven in bliss and if there isn't,              
then I guess this is goodnight.              
I just hope you feel all right.              
                                For Ryan