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Whispers of the Wind

It hurt so much, I could hear my heart breaking
devastated, my world was shaking
Now that the calm has come
and I'm no longer numb
I can feel without dying
and remember without crying

Finally, I don't think of you everyday
living with how I cast you away

When you are on my mind
once again my heart can be kind
Memories I can hold dear
while not remembering the end was near
Devoid of suffering, I'll cradle my past
cherish my memories whilst they last
Like listening to your favorite sad song
knowing how it goes, how it ends, you play along
Swaying with the music, merging as one
with the moon, the wind, and sun
Feeling the calm and caressing breeze
thinking of your kiss shouldn't bring me to my knees
But I think I'll always feel you
no matter how much I knew
About you, us, maybe we were a mistake
we could have saved ourselves the heartache
Then I never would have known
that without you I could feel so alone

Being with you made my heart swell
for you, I can't believe how hard I fell
You never failed to make me smile
slowly losing you meanwhile

Trying to stay strong
though I don't know how long
Or if I'll be able to keep this going
it's getting hard to keep a smile glowing
I miss everything we shared
you were there when I was scared
Sharing everything we couldn't hold in
running to each other we've always been
You knew me and without judgement, saw me
to unlock my secrets, you didn't need a key
We were always open and true
surprising us, those feelings were brand new
For you anyways, not me
my feelings, I wish you could see
How it was you, for years, I adored
by my choice, those feelings went ignored
Repressed, buried beneath my facade
though this wall, this block is flawed

Eventually they came out
now that there's no doubt

We've tested our feelings, gave them a try
it didn't work and we both know why
I was a place holder until you found the one
the possibility of more than just having fun
In the attempt, we lost our chance
and now, you could break my heart with a glance
Believe me, you did, at my aid
I gave you the tools, I'm afraid
Admittedly, I've realized
our affair was ill-advised

Lately, I've begun to miss my friend
yet I have no idea how this could ever mend
Starting to get better, starting to heal
improved coping mechanisms to help me deal

Finally, it's easier to breathe
even though I made you take your leave
I can't stop thinking about making a call
back to you, my pride wishes me not to crawl
Because I still feel you could have done this a better way
although I do understand we were in an area oh-so-grey
We were difficult to understand, to place
still I wonder if I need this space
I inhale the sweet smelling air
wondering if you still care
No idea if I can do this
but I continue to reminisce

Making a decision will be hard, I know
I'm not sure I should have asked you to go

Back then, it would have been too painful to hear
about your new girlfriend, you'd talk off my ear
Because you gush about the things that delight
your voice and the details bring about a site
The pictures would dance through my head
showing where your new romance had led

I can't decide, I'm so torn
do I be your friend while feeling that piercing thorn?
I'd be happy for you
even though we're through

Bittersweet, smiling through my tears
without trust, I'm not sure if I can still share my fears
Is there even any point to being friends?
we were so close, you couldn't tell where one ends and the other begins
Losing my friendship, my closest confidant
the pain of your departure has begun to haunt
So I'll carry you with me until I decide
if I can befriend you and hope my feelings subside
You aren't in my life so I still have time to reflect
on my feelings and go somewhere to collect

Listening to the sounds
communing with the grounds
Connecting and tending to the Earth
considering who I am and what I'm worth


Knowing I'll be able to make a decision as the clouds moved and thinned

comforting me with

    the glow of the moon
                                             

                    a blanket of stars
                                                                       


                                  and the Whispers of the Wind
ThiaTartorum
Written by ThiaTartorum
Published
Author's Note
This is the Fourth poem in a collection that starts with Day by Day, then finds a New Safe Place, follows with My Recovery and ends with Whispers of the Wind....
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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