deepundergroundpoetry.com
Story Poem, Nr.08 — The Painted Bird
The painted bird sat on the ledge
the painted lady on the edge -
of life the bird and lady knew
one has to wait, life comes to you ...
Then sitting on her shoulder
the bird so sweetly sings
and drops into her trembling hand
a solid golden ring
she weeps with joy and laughter
the bird flies up to cry
"Oh come with me dear lady
fly with me in the sky”
she puts the ring on finger
and fiddles it around
then flies up high to meet the bird
some way above the ground
she asks the bird completely
“whence came the magic ring?”
“I am the Painted Bird” says he
“and magic is my thing”.
the painted lady on the edge -
of life the bird and lady knew
one has to wait, life comes to you ...
Then sitting on her shoulder
the bird so sweetly sings
and drops into her trembling hand
a solid golden ring
she weeps with joy and laughter
the bird flies up to cry
"Oh come with me dear lady
fly with me in the sky”
she puts the ring on finger
and fiddles it around
then flies up high to meet the bird
some way above the ground
she asks the bird completely
“whence came the magic ring?”
“I am the Painted Bird” says he
“and magic is my thing”.
Published 19th Dec 2018
| Edited 8th Mar 2024
Author's Note
Comp entry for "Elemental Euphoria', hosted by AEMelia564.
(Elemental contrast: gravity & levitation).
(photo credit: hans-van-tol-P1syptb0tTw-unsplash)
(Elemental contrast: gravity & levitation).
(photo credit: hans-van-tol-P1syptb0tTw-unsplash)
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 10
reading list entries 1
comments 16
reads 713
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
19th Dec 2018 9:00pm
Hey, Josh ..... what in the hell were you thinking when you wrote this DELIGHTFUL poem, eh?
I would suggest for tighter rhyming in Line 6
"the bird did sweetly sing"
Fabulous.
I would suggest for tighter rhyming in Line 6
"the bird did sweetly sing"
Fabulous.
Thank you Johnny.
Funnily enough I had line 6 exactly as you suggested, but changed it because I read somewhere that using the word 'did' in poems 'not the done thing' because it seems too like a filler word for scansion purposes. But then again, I'm not sure my second version is any better either - so it's nice to receive some feed-back I wasn't too far out on a limb. I'll sleep on it :))
Funnily enough I had line 6 exactly as you suggested, but changed it because I read somewhere that using the word 'did' in poems 'not the done thing' because it seems too like a filler word for scansion purposes. But then again, I'm not sure my second version is any better either - so it's nice to receive some feed-back I wasn't too far out on a limb. I'll sleep on it :))
20th Dec 2018 10:50am
Thank you.
"I almost thought it was foe Seuss at first!" ... interesting idea, I'm still struggling to get any inspiration from 'green eggs & ham'.
"I almost thought it was foe Seuss at first!" ... interesting idea, I'm still struggling to get any inspiration from 'green eggs & ham'.
Love how you do fantasy, Josh. I once read a novel called "The Painted Bird" that was a nightmare. This is pure delight. Great punchline too: "And magic is my thing." Got a lift out of reading this!
20th Dec 2018 10:55am
Glad you liked it. It actually comes from my early days as a poet, languishing in my archive, the memory of which was triggered by Melia's comp. So, elevated it into the public arena, it seems to have struck a chord. I wonder how many other 'old half-forgotten poems' doing time in the dark of our past are due a second chance?
Anonymous
19th Dec 2018 10:58pm
Oh, I would love to meet that bird! Fabulous poem! Good luck in the comp :-)
20th Dec 2018 10:57am
Thank you Willow. If I was any good at painting I'd love to paint it - I can almost see it in my head.
20th Dec 2018 00:06am
20th Dec 2018 10:58am
1st Jan 2019 9:38pm
1st Jan 2019 9:50pm
Congratulations, Josh, I just now saw the results of the competition...
She picked the right entry to win! I loved your piece on first read. I need to make room on my RL.
Jade🐾
She picked the right entry to win! I loved your piece on first read. I need to make room on my RL.
Jade🐾
22nd Mar 2019 12:33pm
Your timing works well, my poet friend, as it serves as a reminder that NOW is when I can add this to my RL.📚
22nd Mar 2019 6:57pm
