Just a rant

So distant from my fellow man I am.
Walking through reality, I feel like a sham.
Not a carrier of confidence,
only a nobody noticing this nervousness.
Still lingering within me,
silently suffocating my self worth,
Is the ever present feeling of social anxiety stemming from excessive thinking and extremely low self esteem.
My demon, the destroyer of my world.
Something I've truly not been able to unlearn.
Something that I yearn
to erase completely from my psyche.
Something that has followed me for my whole life. Causing
so much internal strife.

Secluding myself slowly from anyone I've ever known,
not to many people.

Truly a loner.
Becoming a recluse.
In a constant state of self reflection and intense introspection.
Casting me into obscurity.

Although I love my me time,
which ironically, is ALL my time.
Consumed mostly by work,
where I am, you guessed it,
Alone.
Doing yoga alone, which is amazing actually.
Playing guitar alone, having never found anyone to jam with, not that I ever looked.
Writing poetry, a true sanctuary in space and time.
Smoking marijuana, daily.
Occasionally with 2 or 3 friends 1 of which I've known for 7 years.

Increasingly becoming more and more introverted,
catching myself feeling deserted
from the choices I've made.
I've always shattered my own self esteem.
A strange state of self obsession slowly Secluding me from society.
I've always felt most comfortable alone.
Even to this present moment I don't feel comfortable around people, be it strangers or family members.
Always self analyzing my behavior, thinking that I'm talking strangely or moving oddly or just looking weird.
I find myself loathing social interaction.
These thoughts are such a distraction.

Deep down I do love being alone and I have made alot of progress, creatively as well as spiritually.
But at times I find myself feeling
so alienated.
With very minimal human connections.

It's strange feeling so connected to the universe in it's entirety and yet, at the same time Feeling so disconnected and alienated from my own species.