How many more nights?

Will this feeling ever end? ... as lights danced around the room, from the flickering candle, taunting me as if they are saying, “Hah, here you are again, sitting alone, no one around to share your thoughts with, just you” ... How many more lonely nights? How many more sleepless ones? How many more nights just like this one ...

As my mind races through the night, I wonder if others desire company as much as I do ... Sitting alone, looking at the moon and imagining what it would feel like to have someone there with me, we don’t have to talk, we could just be there, be in each other’s company because that would be enough for me right now ... oh how I crave it, how I crave the feeling of another’s presence other than my own ... just someone else other than me ... is it weird to want something you never had? Like something missing even though you never had it ...

As my mind cannibalize itself, wondering what the fuck is wrong with me to be this alone, sure others say I’m this and that but if it is true then why am I writing this, with tears falling like a meteor shower, with a kid gazing up, thinking they are shooting stars and wishing he wasn’t alone? With each one he wished for a friend, each light, a wish is said and casted into the air and yet everyday there he sits ... alone with nothing but his thoughts and his sinking feelings ...

And as he grew, that’s all he knew, he could only read and write and imagine what it would be like ... what it would be like to have someone else care for him as he does for them ... if others beg and plead to god, if others pray like he does each time he visits the temple for company to spend time with when the sun is down and the moon rises, showing its beauty in the darkness, with the stars, twinkling miles away because at night he would be alone ... with no one else but himself, his thoughts and there is only so much that I could take, only so much that I could take until I finally break ...