Love Dispair

            Just as I was about to step into the abyss of nothingness of aloneness - The pain of the emotional suicide I had just committed was fresh on my torn and bleeding flesh - Praying to die needing to live, Not knowing how to do either. In Dispair was I - lost.
            Alone, Afraid, Beaten and worn - scarred was I with the scars of a pain so deep and so great, An unthinkable unspeakable pain. Confused Awake and Aware was I that the dispair had changed me (changed my life) I am the same person (then again) NO I am Not! I can never be that me (Ever) again.
            Hurting and bleeding and running and crying and praying and dying - Internally Im gone, all that is left is my mentals the rest of me incenerated in the storm - Like I've been shot through my heart yet it never stopped beating - Like my throat has been cut yet I never fully drown on my own blood.
            All the while knowing the desperation and the rage the sorrow and pain the crying and fear will forever be here - In the hole in my chest left when my emotions ceased to exist.

                Love Dispair