deepundergroundpoetry.com
Rise
( a Rensaku = linked Tanka )
each morning’s darkness
before hearing first birdsong
the call and response
subtle kanji pillowing
to a lover’s waking heart
*
feel swirling brushstroke
its sound, like I am breathing
the words are tracing
my fingers tasting each line
I know that you have risen
*
the cranes are in flight
each wing is dipped in ink stain
the higher they soar
a vanished wane of moonset
the colors of a sunrise
each morning’s darkness
before hearing first birdsong
the call and response
subtle kanji pillowing
to a lover’s waking heart
*
feel swirling brushstroke
its sound, like I am breathing
the words are tracing
my fingers tasting each line
I know that you have risen
*
the cranes are in flight
each wing is dipped in ink stain
the higher they soar
a vanished wane of moonset
the colors of a sunrise
Published 11th Dec 2018
Author's Note
softly falling rain
kanji flows in brush's line
tiger stalks fresh earth
time like mountain winds
poems carpet haijin's floor
cranes' soar in blue sky
morning in grey clouds
haijin's brush finally at rest
ocean waves like sleep
kanji flows in brush's line
tiger stalks fresh earth
time like mountain winds
poems carpet haijin's floor
cranes' soar in blue sky
morning in grey clouds
haijin's brush finally at rest
ocean waves like sleep
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 12
reading list entries 4
comments 16
reads 803
Commenting Preference:
The author is looking for friendly feedback.
11th Dec 2018 3:57pm
Wonerful write.
I've always found it fascinating the way birds begin to sing before the dawn breaks.
I've always found it fascinating the way birds begin to sing before the dawn breaks.
11th Dec 2018 4:07pm
Gracious thanks, Kimmy,
And yes, exactly. That’s why I brought it to the reader: to imply how early in the morning it still was.
I’m glad you liked this set.
And yes, exactly. That’s why I brought it to the reader: to imply how early in the morning it still was.
I’m glad you liked this set.
Love the depth of each tanka
Off in the distance
dipping down with the sunset
calls echo thru breeze
night beckons the horizon
still all stares remain
Off in the distance
dipping down with the sunset
calls echo thru breeze
night beckons the horizon
still all stares remain
Why thank you, Tim, I’m honored.
Years ago, when I first started to study as a haijin under my roshi, he felt straight away, my strength would be in the Tanka form. He turned out to be right.
Years ago, when I first started to study as a haijin under my roshi, he felt straight away, my strength would be in the Tanka form. He turned out to be right.
11th Dec 2018 7:15pm
I dabbled in that area a few years back. A few pieces were published but I found my calling elsewhere
11th Dec 2018 9:01pm
You reminded me that many of my Tanka pieces wound up being published in numerous Tanka anthologies in the global market.
11th Dec 2018 4:39pm
11th Dec 2018 4:45pm
11th Dec 2018 5:27pm
Your words do take flight poetess, quite a rise. Excellent craftsmanship!
11th Dec 2018 5:56pm
Thank you so much, this humble one is terribly honored by the gentle one’s express & embrace.
RL gratitude 🙏🏻
RL gratitude 🙏🏻
11th Dec 2018 5:33pm
Oh, Tallen, how lovely your reaction is, and thank you, dear.
RL gratitude.
RL gratitude.
12th Dec 2018 2:26pm
I did not know what a Tanka was until I encountered this and went off to look up the definition.
I totally enjoyed the gentle and reflective nature of this piece; early morning birdsong is not what it was, but this poem brings it back to me.
I liked the line "call and response" because this reminds us that birds are (most likely) singing for a reason, and that there's structure and purpose to their song.
And I especially enjoyed the implied transition from moonset to sunrise in the final lines.
In the spirit of friendly feedback, the line "each wing is dipped in ink stain" didn't flow quite as smoothly, because of the repeated "in" with "in ink". You could put "each wing is tipped with ink stain" to preserve both meaning and syllable count. Well, I just read the poem again, and this time, "... in ink ..." flowed just find. Nevertheless, I will leave this paragraph of comment in case you find it useful :)
I totally enjoyed the gentle and reflective nature of this piece; early morning birdsong is not what it was, but this poem brings it back to me.
I liked the line "call and response" because this reminds us that birds are (most likely) singing for a reason, and that there's structure and purpose to their song.
And I especially enjoyed the implied transition from moonset to sunrise in the final lines.
In the spirit of friendly feedback, the line "each wing is dipped in ink stain" didn't flow quite as smoothly, because of the repeated "in" with "in ink". You could put "each wing is tipped with ink stain" to preserve both meaning and syllable count. Well, I just read the poem again, and this time, "... in ink ..." flowed just find. Nevertheless, I will leave this paragraph of comment in case you find it useful :)
My gracious thanks, dear SeaCat, for your in-depth thoughts & express. I’m also honored to have been a guiding light to you becoming aware of the Tanka form’s beauty. Tanka is far older than Haiku.
16th Dec 2018 6:12pm
Your detail paints a portrait that vibrates with spirit. You do much honor to the verse form.
Daniel
Daniel
Why thank you, Daniel, the form has always been a portal that brings me peace, and a perfect forum from which to express.
