The Pendulum

Let the pendulum swing - living my life for the extremes...
Mundaneness, aches and pains... lads:
I cant deal with this samey samey basic business on the daily.
Ffs. Do i take the blame for these weaknesses?
My moral defecits?
My characteristics.
My life.
My messes.
Lay me to rest with the waifes and strays...
To the emotional detriment of those around me,
My entourage of those who used to so proudly give a shit about me and
Now they speak in whispers round me,
With words that burst the blisters on my soul, layerred with coldness,
Only embers now...
Of what once was.
Let me wind it back a bit to when i was young and full of what i thought was wonderous lust for the future,
Lovestruck on substances.
I remember stating
That i didn't see the point of life without drug taking
Bud baking an' caning ket,
Concaine's gone a long way to taking all i've got away,
And maybe that's my main problem...
That i want it to...
That i'm sick of all this moral ineptitute and of my moralistic existense twisted up with the siren of simplicity drugs offer up that calls to me,
Until i sail out on that sea...
and throw it all back up in my own disgrace.
Is it really all just really unrealistic?
Or do my shoulders adjust and grow to hold up to the behavioural roads i've learnt to get stuck into?
The onus is on me to focus and not jump out the window.