deepundergroundpoetry.com
the November Sounder
a foot of snow,
some rain
descending from a cloudy sky
year-round would’ve been
easy
i could hole myself up
in a four-walled trench
and wait it
out
write letters
home;
eat 3 meals,
drink water too,
shower once;
talk myself through
the
process,
mull how clocks have hands,
the chairs backs, walls ears,
maybe stuff some stuffed
animals I’d named
in my pocket
to keep company
never again have to worry
about
a beautiful day,
a pleasant retreat,
or sunshine revealing
the only enemy I’d fought
is myself,
neither of us knowing
how to die or sure
how to live.
some rain
descending from a cloudy sky
year-round would’ve been
easy
i could hole myself up
in a four-walled trench
and wait it
out
write letters
home;
eat 3 meals,
drink water too,
shower once;
talk myself through
the
process,
mull how clocks have hands,
the chairs backs, walls ears,
maybe stuff some stuffed
animals I’d named
in my pocket
to keep company
never again have to worry
about
a beautiful day,
a pleasant retreat,
or sunshine revealing
the only enemy I’d fought
is myself,
neither of us knowing
how to die or sure
how to live.
Published 21st Nov 2018
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Hermitry does have its appeal, especially when Mother Nature presents it in such a way.
I enjoyed both the revelational and observational qualities of this very much; however, the ending seemed somewhat off. There's something about the syntax that's off. I would suggest the following:
is myself,
neither knowing for sure
how to die
or live
I enjoyed both the revelational and observational qualities of this very much; however, the ending seemed somewhat off. There's something about the syntax that's off. I would suggest the following:
is myself,
neither knowing for sure
how to die
or live
22nd Nov 2018 4:02am
isn't that the truth. the unfortunate reality is that sometimes i feel this way even when mother nature serves the day and weather on a silver platter, so to speak. and that's probably the most frustrating aspect of it for me, to feel a compulsion for hermitry against my better judgment when i should, all things considered, feel the exact opposite.
it's actually for that reason i think i wrote the last part as it is. i do think yours makes more sense and syntactically is better, for sure. but including the "us" feels more right i think insofar as it helps split feeling one way and preferring to feel a different way.
i don't know; it kind of made sense in my 12AM head at the time. but i'm not above revising. i'll reread a bit later and see if i end up preferring your edit later on. as always, i really appreciate your input.
it's actually for that reason i think i wrote the last part as it is. i do think yours makes more sense and syntactically is better, for sure. but including the "us" feels more right i think insofar as it helps split feeling one way and preferring to feel a different way.
i don't know; it kind of made sense in my 12AM head at the time. but i'm not above revising. i'll reread a bit later and see if i end up preferring your edit later on. as always, i really appreciate your input.
