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Ghost House ( after Robert Frost )
Whoever once stepped afoot
upon this now abandoned porch
must’ve toiled a daily wage
within the fields and garden gate
hanging now as rotted wood
Whoever cooked within this kitchen
canning beans and plucking chicken
surely did so with such care
her flower vase still sitting there
with wilted bloom on withered stem
Whoever slept within this room
of hand-sewn curtains billowing-
snagged and torn on broken glass
of window panes long past death
took care the stitches stay strong
Whoever held with loving arms
the children on this little farm
assuredly swung them from that tree
where now hangs a broken swing
to keep them safe from harm
Whoever built that empty barn
for bales of hay and grain of corn
certainly whittled this little bench
in a private corner of cement fence
overlooking the family plot
Carved in hearts: names and dates
of whoever lived or visited this place
Perhaps descendants paying respect
or aimless wanderer simply curious
of ghosts without story or face
~
upon this now abandoned porch
must’ve toiled a daily wage
within the fields and garden gate
hanging now as rotted wood
Whoever cooked within this kitchen
canning beans and plucking chicken
surely did so with such care
her flower vase still sitting there
with wilted bloom on withered stem
Whoever slept within this room
of hand-sewn curtains billowing-
snagged and torn on broken glass
of window panes long past death
took care the stitches stay strong
Whoever held with loving arms
the children on this little farm
assuredly swung them from that tree
where now hangs a broken swing
to keep them safe from harm
Whoever built that empty barn
for bales of hay and grain of corn
certainly whittled this little bench
in a private corner of cement fence
overlooking the family plot
Carved in hearts: names and dates
of whoever lived or visited this place
Perhaps descendants paying respect
or aimless wanderer simply curious
of ghosts without story or face
~
Written by
Ahavati
(Tams)
Published 17th Nov 2018
| Edited 24th Dec 2018
Author's Note
Non-entry for 'The Road Less Traveled' comp by JohnnyBlaze: https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/10474/
Inspiration: https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/ghost-house
Inspiration: https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/ghost-house
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 11
reading list entries 1
comments 25
reads 965
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re. Ghost House ( after Robert Frost )
Anonymous
- Edited 17th Nov 2018 10:35pm
17th Nov 2018 10:30pm
Could I make a suggestion?
You spend the entire poem describing the people who once lived on the property.
In my opinion, the end stanza is somewhat confusing as is. I think it would better differentiate the visitors from the pevious owners if you stated it this way:
Carved in hearts: names and dates
of whoever stayed and left this place
(space optional)
Descendants now paying respect
(space optional)
or aimless wanderer just curious
of these ghosts without a face
A lovely poem that Frost himself would enjoy.
📝❤
You spend the entire poem describing the people who once lived on the property.
In my opinion, the end stanza is somewhat confusing as is. I think it would better differentiate the visitors from the pevious owners if you stated it this way:
Carved in hearts: names and dates
of whoever stayed and left this place
(space optional)
Descendants now paying respect
(space optional)
or aimless wanderer just curious
of these ghosts without a face
A lovely poem that Frost himself would enjoy.
📝❤
1
Re: Re. Ghost House ( after Robert Frost )
Thank you. I struggled with that final verse and edited it numerous times.
I altered a bit of wording and included 'visitor' in hopes of differentiating the carvings on the bench between descendants or visitor. I like 'Perhaps' because the alliteration/consonance of p throughout the verse ( especially combined with the assonance of a ), so was hesitant to lose that word.
Carved in hearts: names and dates
of whoever lived or visited this place
Perhaps descendants paying respect
or aimless wanderer just curious
of past ghosts without a face
Does it read better now? I can opt for the space; however, was attempting to retain the Frost structure. I view poetry as I do painting - one has to learn the foundation prior to expanding upon its creation.
📝❤
I altered a bit of wording and included 'visitor' in hopes of differentiating the carvings on the bench between descendants or visitor. I like 'Perhaps' because the alliteration/consonance of p throughout the verse ( especially combined with the assonance of a ), so was hesitant to lose that word.
Carved in hearts: names and dates
of whoever lived or visited this place
Perhaps descendants paying respect
or aimless wanderer just curious
of past ghosts without a face
Does it read better now? I can opt for the space; however, was attempting to retain the Frost structure. I view poetry as I do painting - one has to learn the foundation prior to expanding upon its creation.
📝❤
Re: Re. Ghost House ( after Robert Frost )
Anonymous
17th Nov 2018 11:44pm
Yes, it does.
The optional spaces are highly unnecessary given your revision; I just suggested them to help with differentation. You solved the problem just fine. 📝❤
p.s. Your beautiful photography compliments the poem nicely.
The optional spaces are highly unnecessary given your revision; I just suggested them to help with differentation. You solved the problem just fine. 📝❤
p.s. Your beautiful photography compliments the poem nicely.
1
Re: Re. Ghost House ( after Robert Frost )
17th Nov 2018 11:55pm
Anonymous
- Edited 8th Dec 2018 6:45pm
17th Nov 2018 10:37pm
<< post removed >>
Re: Re. Ghost House ( after Robert Frost )
17th Nov 2018 10:57pm
Anonymous
- Edited 8th Dec 2018 6:45pm
17th Nov 2018 11:06pm
<< post removed >>
Re: Re. Ghost House ( after Robert Frost )
17th Nov 2018 11:26pm
Nice advice, but don't worry; I don't betray my own vision. Johnny is my partner in all things and knows instinctively when I've struggled with a particular section of verse. When we critique ( as requested ), we honestly attempt to help serious writers here improve their craft.
Thank you again.
Thank you again.
Anonymous
- Edited 8th Dec 2018 6:45pm
17th Nov 2018 11:38pm
<< post removed >>
Re: Re. Ghost House ( after Robert Frost )
17th Nov 2018 11:40pm
Re. Ghost House ( after Robert Frost )
17th Nov 2018 11:24pm
I like the way I was taken on a 'tour' of the house, conjuring up the humanity of past lives.
3
Re: Re. Ghost House ( after Robert Frost )
17th Nov 2018 11:31pm
Re. Ghost House ( after Robert Frost )
Anonymous
18th Nov 2018 4:32am
Hey Ahavati.......you always manage to tug on heart strings......this ink it oustanding......the last stanza is brilliant......your pic choice set the mood for every line.......I drive past an old house where I live......I admire it for years for its old beauty and have always wondered what stories the walls would tell......gorgeous ink my friend.....purple luv & hugs xo :)
1
Re: Re. Ghost House ( after Robert Frost )
18th Nov 2018 4:14pm
Anonymous
- Edited 16th Jun 2024 6:45am
18th Nov 2018 9:01pm
<< post removed >>
Re: Re. Ghost House ( after Robert Frost )
19th Nov 2018 5:25pm
Re. Ghost House ( after Robert Frost )
1st Dec 2018 4:27am
I like how you went on a tour of the house, too, made it interesting, I have been reading some Frost poems and this one is one of my favorites so far, I am still working on my tribute which has a fall feel..
1
Re: Re. Ghost House ( after Robert Frost )
1st Dec 2018 12:33pm
Thank you, PoetsRevenge. As a photographer who loves history, photographing abandonded houses and buildings has always been my favorite. I am always fascinated by the remains of yesteryear.
Can't wait to read your tribute! Hope you'll venture into Dickinson's as well.
Can't wait to read your tribute! Hope you'll venture into Dickinson's as well.
Re: Re. Ghost House ( after Robert Frost )
2nd Dec 2018 6:22am
That's a great idea to photograph old things, I like the picture with its patina on the chair, maybe a ghost house is like a ghost town, maybe a colloquial term? I took a lot of foliage pictures this year. I love Emily Dickinson so ill be happy to write something :)
1
Re. Ghost House ( after Robert Frost )
6th Dec 2018 11:55am
I enjoyed this, and the way in which it evokes a sense of melancholy, by the description of the house as it is now, in relation to the people who lived there.
1
Re: Re. Ghost House ( after Robert Frost )
6th Dec 2018 12:52pm
Anonymous
- Edited 25th Oct 2022 6:45pm
9th Dec 2018 1:24am
<< post removed >>
Re: Re. Ghost House ( after Robert Frost )
9th Dec 2018 2:20am
Re. Ghost House ( after Robert Frost )
21st Dec 2018 9:49pm
I love Robert Frost and this really worked for me. Strong choices, I loved the form and it just looked nice on the page and what I really like about Frost and this poem, is how understated it is. it is a simple and subtle and iti breathes beautifully. Definitely on my RL
1
Re: Re. Ghost House ( after Robert Frost )
21st Dec 2018 10:08pm