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deepundergroundpoetry.com
SHOWER CLINCH
Both of us unashamedly in raw,
The shower's water over us does pour
Upon our skins as you thrust in my core
The full length of your manhood, no withdraw.
You lift my bottom, round your waist I draw
My legs till I can tighten them no more.
A few thrusts later you explode, I pour
Responsive juices down your legs to floor.
The shower's water over us does pour
Upon our skins as you thrust in my core
The full length of your manhood, no withdraw.
You lift my bottom, round your waist I draw
My legs till I can tighten them no more.
A few thrusts later you explode, I pour
Responsive juices down your legs to floor.
Published 9th Nov 2018
| Edited 10th Nov 2018
Author's Note
Inspired by SweetKitty Cat 5's "Cloak of Steam.." and its accompanying picture.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 4
reading list entries 1
comments 10
reads 704
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
9th Nov 2018 9:00pm
Dig the change in POV, and the general flow.
One suggestion: 3rd line perhaps 'to' instead of 'within' - the syllable count and rhythm work better in my opinion.
One suggestion: 3rd line perhaps 'to' instead of 'within' - the syllable count and rhythm work better in my opinion.
9th Nov 2018 9:04pm
Hear what you say, I chose the word I use because at that point he is inside her.
9th Nov 2018 9:08pm
Good point. It sticks out to me because it's the only 11-syllable line in the poem. Another possibility is:
"Upon our skins, you thrust within my core"
Again, thank you for understanding. I only make suggestions when I really like a piece.
"Upon our skins, you thrust within my core"
Again, thank you for understanding. I only make suggestions when I really like a piece.
10th Nov 2018 8:02am
Anonymous
- Edited 25th Oct 2022 6:45pm
10th Nov 2018 00:14am
<< post removed >>
Rhyming reply:
The nakedness, wet heat, restricted space
Could encourage intercourse to take place.
The nakedness, wet heat, restricted space
Could encourage intercourse to take place.
10th Nov 2018 1:34am
My handsome King, what words can this Queen say to humbly express
That harkens calls of pleasure to my soul as you watched me seductively undress
Lust entwined us in a veil of mist and steam
Passion cloaking our bodies as you made me softly scream
Your name I moaned to the Heavens, as my silken treasure you raided before it creamed
Breathless as I drew you in closer, bodies joined as desires consoled
Sealing your lips upon mine, clenching me tighter, ecstasy patrolled
Family jewels embedded deeper, a butter rum rainfall coveted your pearly flow
That harkens calls of pleasure to my soul as you watched me seductively undress
Lust entwined us in a veil of mist and steam
Passion cloaking our bodies as you made me softly scream
Your name I moaned to the Heavens, as my silken treasure you raided before it creamed
Breathless as I drew you in closer, bodies joined as desires consoled
Sealing your lips upon mine, clenching me tighter, ecstasy patrolled
Family jewels embedded deeper, a butter rum rainfall coveted your pearly flow
10th Nov 2018 7:59am
13th Nov 2018 8:30pm
25th Nov 2018 5:42pm
Mmm..this is delicious for the senses!! Loved how you changed up the POV too
