System Upgrade

Forty four looms on this horizon
and you keep asking what I want to do

We know there will be no wild parties
that reality long gone from possibility

Two years later, I still struggle with fun
how to achieve it, how to manufacture a high
that won't leave me low and insignificant
in the following days

Maybe this is why I avoid planning anything
engaging in little beyond expected routines
a personality,
flat as the prairies
level and boring.

This avatar had a good run
phantom applause
from all corners of the universe
a year of feelings
scribbled and shared

The thrill of a new follower
baiting me to share a little more
safety in an anonymous world
to reveal much that I hide

But the wise see the patterns
the same words buried
screaming in desperation
the suspense gone

In one week, another birthday will come and go
and I will be the same,
wishing to shatter this creation
with someone new and improved.