me

 
this is how it goes
I sit down to write
scribble out a few lines
say no this isn't any good
scrap it
start over and repeat
 
the person I am
is a mystery to me
my personas still come forth
I guess I developed them at a young age
for protection
I know they entertain
but I pay a price
 
what I really meant to say
goes unheard
drops of water hitting the page
staining it
is my heart when it really speaks
 
tears have yet to fall
for all I've lost
my alter egos  
must not interfere with life lessons
I need to learn
 
I want to know my own voice
is it really a mixture of my insanity?
am I really just a sum of this macabre show?
what am I afraid of?
 
I will begin psychotherapy soon
to find out where my rage comes from
somewhere inside  
hidden beneath it all
is me