deepundergroundpoetry.com
Home
I dream of a home in a very old town,
With tall columns and flowers all around.
We'll live there together and dance in the kitchen.
Sweet love songs to fill the air - even the birds listen.
Our romance, like Gomez and Morticia.
If you're busy, I'll stop by and kiss ya!
When you are away, whether near or far,
Coffee brewing, I'll think of your cigar.
End of the day, each saying thinks like "Hey!
I missed you today" & "how was your day?"
Then down to the stream as it flows through town.
We'll take cold chicken, put a blanket down,
And have a picnic right there on the ground.
You'll be my King and I'll be your Queen.
Our love will beat any we've ever seen.
You and I will no longer be alone.
Gaze at each other, we'll say that I am home.
With tall columns and flowers all around.
We'll live there together and dance in the kitchen.
Sweet love songs to fill the air - even the birds listen.
Our romance, like Gomez and Morticia.
If you're busy, I'll stop by and kiss ya!
When you are away, whether near or far,
Coffee brewing, I'll think of your cigar.
End of the day, each saying thinks like "Hey!
I missed you today" & "how was your day?"
Then down to the stream as it flows through town.
We'll take cold chicken, put a blanket down,
And have a picnic right there on the ground.
You'll be my King and I'll be your Queen.
Our love will beat any we've ever seen.
You and I will no longer be alone.
Gaze at each other, we'll say that I am home.
Published 27th Sep 2018
| Edited 8th Nov 2018
Author's Note
OK-I am changing my Authro's Note FROM: "Probably the most juvenile, simplistic minded thing I have ever written. Please be kind and gentle with your remarks. This is only the second poem I have ever written. It takes a lot of courage to post these."
TO: "After a little help from a friend and reassurance from even more of you, I am very pleased with my 2nd poem I have ever written!"
TO: "After a little help from a friend and reassurance from even more of you, I am very pleased with my 2nd poem I have ever written!"
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 1
comments 12
reads 627
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
27th Sep 2018 4:00pm
Starr!!!
That's fantastic!! Not juvenile and simplistic at all, just fantastic!!! Don't ever put your writing down(that's my gig- lol!).
I love your poem, and you're a wonderful person!!!
Please keep writing(I'm getting way ahead of you...and it's a little embarrassing. KIDDING!! Please don't get mad, I know you're busy).
Anyway Starr, great job!!!! And remember! "There is no bad poetry...well, maybe Matt's...but the rest is good." - Archimedes.
That's fantastic!! Not juvenile and simplistic at all, just fantastic!!! Don't ever put your writing down(that's my gig- lol!).
I love your poem, and you're a wonderful person!!!
Please keep writing(I'm getting way ahead of you...and it's a little embarrassing. KIDDING!! Please don't get mad, I know you're busy).
Anyway Starr, great job!!!! And remember! "There is no bad poetry...well, maybe Matt's...but the rest is good." - Archimedes.
27th Sep 2018 6:10pm
Matt,
You are too sweet! You'll probably be the only one to comment so THANK YOU! You were my inspiration for writing a poem that actually rhymes. Anyway, thanks for reading it. I'm such a hopeless romantic.
You are too sweet! You'll probably be the only one to comment so THANK YOU! You were my inspiration for writing a poem that actually rhymes. Anyway, thanks for reading it. I'm such a hopeless romantic.
Anonymous
27th Sep 2018 6:23pm
Star! You're beautiful, and what comes out of that brave, little mind is beautiful, and it doesn't matter who comments, just keep writing, because you're great!!! OK?
Matthew.
And that's awesome that you're a hopeless romantic...but sometimes painful...but makes for a good poet! (bright side, I guess. lol).
Matthew.
And that's awesome that you're a hopeless romantic...but sometimes painful...but makes for a good poet! (bright side, I guess. lol).
27th Sep 2018 6:36pm
27th Sep 2018 6:27pm
I wish I had a home like that. It's a beautiful dream you paint. Very relevant to my life at the moment. Thank you.
27th Sep 2018 6:30pm
Also just read your notes about this.
Don't be shy or afraid because the DU community is full of kind beautiful ppl. I've had my writing in a box for over 20 years because of fear of rejection. Now I'm like a blooming flower from all the live I get here. C'mon and feel the love :)
Don't be shy or afraid because the DU community is full of kind beautiful ppl. I've had my writing in a box for over 20 years because of fear of rejection. Now I'm like a blooming flower from all the live I get here. C'mon and feel the love :)
27th Sep 2018 6:34pm
Thank you sweetness! That you can relate warms my heart. I hope to be able to keep writing as I really do need somewhere to put my romantic heart out there. Thanks for reading.
You've got some really good (half)-rhyming pairs in this poem, Starrs. eg: kitchen/listen; Morticia/kiss ya!; far/cigar; alone/home. These aren't so easy to do because it needs a mind that thinks 'out-of-the-exact-rhyming-box'.
What's more, 'home' is such an evocative word, conjuring up our deepest yearnings - so it's a great theme to write about.
Keep going; you're doing great. Welcome to DUP, again.
What's more, 'home' is such an evocative word, conjuring up our deepest yearnings - so it's a great theme to write about.
Keep going; you're doing great. Welcome to DUP, again.
16th Oct 2018 5:34pm
Thank you SO MUCH Josh! I love the feedback and encouragement! I really WANT to keep writing and I will as time permits. Thanks again and have a great day!
Dearest Starr, it’s lovely and so sweet. I’m honored to add it to my Reading List.
And now, perhaps, it’s time to rethink your Author’s Note. This dear poem is certainly none of the things you called it.
There are readers here, having responded, who started at the beginning too, and we all believe in you.
~Jade🐅
💌
And now, perhaps, it’s time to rethink your Author’s Note. This dear poem is certainly none of the things you called it.
There are readers here, having responded, who started at the beginning too, and we all believe in you.
~Jade🐅
💌
8th Jan 2019 7:23pm
You won't be living on the West Coast of the U.S., then as I've seen too few homes with columns and if I happened to see one it would take someone like me at least 50 lifetimes to afford.
Loved the flow to this spill of Yours!
You said You're a romantic; i am too!!
Perhaps it's why this ink resonated with me.
Why have Your only shared 2 spills?
Looking forward to perusing more..........
Loved the flow to this spill of Yours!
You said You're a romantic; i am too!!
Perhaps it's why this ink resonated with me.
Why have Your only shared 2 spills?
Looking forward to perusing more..........
3rd Feb 2019 00:05am
Awww, this is a really sweet poem. I think you did a good job at expressing yourself, and a part of your mind :)
I enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing, Starr!
I enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing, Starr!
