deepundergroundpoetry.com
insecurity .... and questions
Insecurity is like a bag of confused colours
there is no certainty of tone
unlike confidence, strong and assured
insecurity feels mixed and doubtful
a muddled bag of confused colours
floating around the mind
making one question
making us wander and doubt ourselves
sometimes we do not realise its presence
then it pops in its stupid head
just to annoy you
you think and question
am i good enough?
or did i say something wrong ?
do my problems and struggles deter you
from speaking to me
there is a insecure girl inside of me
also a more '' confident '' and '' self assured one ''
but the insecurity just sits in the back of my mind
waiting to make itself known
there is no certainty of tone
unlike confidence, strong and assured
insecurity feels mixed and doubtful
a muddled bag of confused colours
floating around the mind
making one question
making us wander and doubt ourselves
sometimes we do not realise its presence
then it pops in its stupid head
just to annoy you
you think and question
am i good enough?
or did i say something wrong ?
do my problems and struggles deter you
from speaking to me
there is a insecure girl inside of me
also a more '' confident '' and '' self assured one ''
but the insecurity just sits in the back of my mind
waiting to make itself known
Published 20th Sep 2018
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 9
reading list entries 0
comments 13
reads 891
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
- Edited 25th Oct 2022 6:45pm
20th Sep 2018 6:08pm
<< post removed >>
Hi, Daff.
Most people suffer from insecurity; you just can't see it because they are experts at hiding or compensating for it. I'm sure many people here can relate. Even me.
Since you are requesting honest critique, let me show you a streamlined version of your initial stanzas.
Line 1 and 5 are almost identical in what you are saying. You also repeat yourself with "doubtful" and "doubt". If anything, you would benefit more from using repetiton to establish rhythm.
"assured" and "strong" are states of being, while "confidence" is something had, which is easy to alter into likewise.
And did you mean to say "wonder" instead of "wander" ...?
I'm a rhyme freak, so let's toss in a few rhymes to instill some momentum. Then it will seem less like you are giving a nerve wracking speech in front of a classroom or audience and more like you are confidently, strongly, assuredly rapping on the street in a music video.
Feel free to utilize any of the suggestions I made!
BEFORE
Insecurity is like a bag of confused colours
there is no certainty of tone
unlike confidence, strong and assured
insecurity feels mixed and doubtful
a muddled bag of confused colours
floating around the mind
making one question
making us wander and doubt ourselves
sometimes we do not realise its presence
then it pops in its stupid head
just to annoy you
AFTER
No certainty of tone unlike
confident, strong, assured --
"insecurity" is the word;
mixed bag feeling of muddled
colours floating all about
a mind confused enough to question
wonder and doubt your capacity
to be any other kind of person
It almost seems absurd
"insecurity" is the word
It waits, then infiltrates
your headspace, breaks through
with such an obnoxious face
so annoying in its attempts
at destroying you
Most people suffer from insecurity; you just can't see it because they are experts at hiding or compensating for it. I'm sure many people here can relate. Even me.
Since you are requesting honest critique, let me show you a streamlined version of your initial stanzas.
Line 1 and 5 are almost identical in what you are saying. You also repeat yourself with "doubtful" and "doubt". If anything, you would benefit more from using repetiton to establish rhythm.
"assured" and "strong" are states of being, while "confidence" is something had, which is easy to alter into likewise.
And did you mean to say "wonder" instead of "wander" ...?
I'm a rhyme freak, so let's toss in a few rhymes to instill some momentum. Then it will seem less like you are giving a nerve wracking speech in front of a classroom or audience and more like you are confidently, strongly, assuredly rapping on the street in a music video.
Feel free to utilize any of the suggestions I made!
BEFORE
Insecurity is like a bag of confused colours
there is no certainty of tone
unlike confidence, strong and assured
insecurity feels mixed and doubtful
a muddled bag of confused colours
floating around the mind
making one question
making us wander and doubt ourselves
sometimes we do not realise its presence
then it pops in its stupid head
just to annoy you
AFTER
No certainty of tone unlike
confident, strong, assured --
"insecurity" is the word;
mixed bag feeling of muddled
colours floating all about
a mind confused enough to question
wonder and doubt your capacity
to be any other kind of person
It almost seems absurd
"insecurity" is the word
It waits, then infiltrates
your headspace, breaks through
with such an obnoxious face
so annoying in its attempts
at destroying you
20th Sep 2018 9:10pm
20th Sep 2018 9:17pm
Nice ! And yes. I can see the bastard too, rocking in his chair, pointing and laughing, in the back of mine.
23rd Sep 2018 10:22am
"a muddled bag of confused colours"... great line ... wonderful emoting/evoking ...
24th Sep 2018 4:48pm
I like your themes, they can be a great source of inspiration. The best attribute you have during your writings is your humbleness, It seems to bring you to a place of clarity.
Wisdom will trump both,confidence or insecurity.
Proverbs 4:7
Getting wisdom is the wisest thing you can do! And whatever else you do, develop good judgment.
Wisdom will trump both,confidence or insecurity.
Proverbs 4:7
Getting wisdom is the wisest thing you can do! And whatever else you do, develop good judgment.
4th Oct 2018 12:58pm
Dear Daffodil,
It is a true poem. Everyone has something like that in them.
It is a true poem. Everyone has something like that in them.
7th Oct 2018 1:03pm
Anonymous
8th Oct 2018 2:38pm
<< post removed >>
14th Nov 2018 11:18pm
Nice story Daffodil. Looking forward to reading some new work from you soon as it has been a while.
My question is this:
How long are you going to be stuck on 83 poems?
I bet you're working on some amazing stuff right now.
You just have to be, right? lol. ;-)
My question is this:
How long are you going to be stuck on 83 poems?
I bet you're working on some amazing stuff right now.
You just have to be, right? lol. ;-)
15th Nov 2018 8:01am
Hello i have not been writing poems recently but i will be sure to post next time i write . Been struggling with my mental illness at times as well as that i just have not felt lik being creative .
15th Nov 2018 3:28pm
Thank you for that update, Daffodil. I am sorry to hear you're feeling worse at the moment. It's hard I know, well, I don't know really cos I'm not in your shoes but it sounds awful to hear you are immobilised because of this condition.
