the meth diaries~the routine

 
the nightmares have receded
at least for a night...
but the mornings is what I dread
I don't feel good when I wake up for the most part

I got used to snorting a line before coffee or anything
a line of meth would make everything better
then I was ready to go

now I have to wake slowly, baby my body
I don't feel good right now
I thought I would wait before writing
but this is me at my rawest

I don't feel good
I don't feel good
I don't feel good
this is like Jack in the shining
no meth makes Brenda a dull girl

I believe it will get better
it has to...
for now I'm struggling
sobriety is a bitch...
there is no warm glowing feeling

the fact is I'm bipolar with depression
meth was used just for this type of illness
if it was legal I would still be taking it

I'm angry today...
the psych world can't come up with something better
my mom died crazy she never touched illegal drugs

I told my husband perhaps she should have
the answer about what is right is evading me today
but I will stay clean because I have to

honestly, right now it's not what I want
I want to cave...
this is part of recovery I believe
I will just have to deal with it