deepundergroundpoetry.com

Cold coffee and social medianxiety

My coffee is cold
And I’m overwhelmed
Half eavesdropping, half reading
People have interesting conversations in coffee shops
Of God and society
Of aging (at about age 25 - ha!)
And as I scroll down
There are so many needs
 
Children with autism
Refugees
The environment
Messed up politics
Homeless people
Plastic
Marginalized people
Single parents
Kids with anxiety
Nuclear weapons
Melting ice
Hatred and bigotry
Privileged oppressors
Sexual harassment
Poisoned water
Extremists
Homophobia
Suicide
Overcrowded classrooms
Underfunded health care
Earthquakes and hurricanes
Polar bears and elephants
 
Please, make it stop.
I want to fix it all
Why can’t people love people
Love our world
Love creatures
Love their maker
I become numb
I make myself numb
I crave numb
More numbness please
 
How do I continue to feel and care
Without being paralysed
The tweets, the posts
All tell me to care, to act
Tell me it’s urgent
Fix it Now
People need you Now
Do it Now
How can I show the world it is loved?
I’m drowning in the needs
And....
Shut up shut up shut up shut up
Righteous dude at the next table
Talking judgement
That doesn’t help.
 
...Or does it?
Maybe I’m too soft
(Oh I’m definitely too soft)
That’s why it all hurts
I have to stop listening
Toughen up
...But I need to listen more
Learn more, understand more
Keep listening
Even to self-righteous guy...
 
If my job is to mourn and grieve and lament
I can do that
Endlessly
But I might choke on my own tears
And then I want to numb again
And then I’m not listening
Like I know I must
 
So I listen and read and feel and hurt and learn
But when do I get to help?
Please let me help
So I don’t feel so helpless
I hate being helpless
(See it’s all about how I feel in the end)
Always about me
I’m sorry for making it about me
I know it’s not about me
(Good thing, ‘cause I’ll just mess it up)
But please give me a job to do
A role, a place
I'm waiting, watching
When will I know
What I am to do?
You know I'm not patient
 
If I could pick one
Just one of those million hurts
And throw myself at that
I could be on fire
Blazing love
   (Maybe)
I could be a tsunami
Drowning hate
   (Perhaps)
And shake the world awake
And then, maybe then
Could I fix something?
Just one thing?
Please
I'm waiting
Listening
Written by brokentitanium (k.)
Published | Edited 10th Sep 2018
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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