Nightmare after Joy

Its so damn hard to fight this enternal battle.
To know one isn't alone but to still feel like its the only truth that has ever come to light.
It doesn't matter whether its to go threw the even the greatest of joys and happiness.
To still come home so depressed that to function isn't possible, or even sleep at times.
The worst nightmares are always following some of the most joyous of times.
Being so unsure of how normal people function with these types of understandings.
It hurts deeply at times, to think of the pain this has caused, and those affected by harsh actions and moods.
Does anyone understand this pain or do they pretend to and speak meanlingless words of 'understanding'?
Wanting so badly to believe, just wanting so badly to just get it and function.
The idea of normal is the dream, the bright and the holy, if holy meant anything at all.
To which Holy means nothing...as I cry into my pillow night after night...no reason, no excuse...
The past has been dealt with, the scabs healed, the scars remain raised above the skin.
I'll cut it back open because physical pain is easier than dealing with the depression I can't face tonight...