when reality confuses you

this is the scene, in my bedroom, a weird dream
reality is hurting my mind
i'm standing and staring at my life in confusion
i guess it's like staring out of your open window
you know the sky is meant to be blue
and the clouds are meant to be white
but nothing is as it should be

the sky is an array of confusing colours
and the clouds do not even look like clouds
you close and open your eye's
hoping to see a normal sane scene
maybe you were dreaming the image in front of you
but no , that abnormal sky stays

wishing achieves nothing,
you could ask to escape the vision in front of your eyes
to maybe receive the sight you wish to see
but the sky will not listen

trauma's are the same
outside events impact your mind
and the way you see the world
you revert to behind your window
scared, anxious, confused and wary
petrified, the world a weird place
not confident enough to truly be able to live life
scared because loneliness and fear has happened to you
mind and world just spins
events having their control

the land in which i live is not as it should be
the sky is meant to be blue
not grey, brown or dark dreary black
mixed together outside of my window
beyond the window frame
is a world which i do not understand

trauma's which have hurt me beyond comprehension
they are behind me but still somehow lingering within
it still hurts to look at my world and my life and past
because all i see is a muddled sky with confusing colours
and then i question the outside world
why it had to overstep the mark, breaking my mind

trapping me, never able to escape the seemingly inescapable

how would you escape feeling this way ?

and would you blame yourself ?

trauma victims sometimes blame themselves
should i blame myself or blame the world?
either way it hurts too much
and i do not understand how and why
all of this has happened to me
feels like a distant wierd dream and sometimes
it feels like it happened to someone else