Waiting for the end of earthly existence

Waiting for darkness to take me to the light.
When shall it appear? Not gonna fight.
Facing too many hardships in this life.
Let my guard down, eyes off the prize.
So what if i die tonight.
Don't care if and who may mourn me.
It shall all end, this suffering within me.
Day in day out it's the same b.s. day after day, night after night.
Fuck it all to shit. Nothing changes for the better.
Life is shit.
Always has been shit.
Always will be shit.
I need death.
I crave death.
That's all that's left.
Death Death Death.
Never have i sought anything more than what i seek now.
Mizery i live in.
Mizery i was born in.
Mizery has been a part of my life for so long, that i don't know anything else.
Take me out of here.
I have nothing to fear.
No longer am i able to share anymore tears.
Always praying for my descent.
All my sins i repent.
Many pills i have consumed.
I feel.......
Alone,unloved,helpless,unwanted, forgotten, nothing.
All menacing feelings within.
All uncontrollable.
The strains and stresses.
By living, i feel the most burdens.
I pray my lord god will have complete mercy upon my weary soul.
Overwhelmed by my sin, i have failed god.
Life is grief.
Grief is life.
Grief is inevitable.
As most surely as we love and value anyone or anything,  one day we shall know grief.
Death wears a double face.
From this side it looks like destruction.
Especially when you witness a loved one being taken from you.
But from god's point of view,  death is departure to begin a new chapter in our life with him.
A human point of view,  death is our final enemy filled with dread.
From the divine point of view,  it is an event of joyous anticipation.
When? I always gotta ask my lord.
Why wait for darkness?
When I'm already living in darkness.
Bad decisions on my part.
Caused my aching heart.
Can't wait for a new start.
Mind in a fog, slowly being torn apart.