deepundergroundpoetry.com
NO PLACE FOR THE WEAK
NO PLACE FOR THE WEAK
My Lord, is this the world for which Your Son has died?
I see myself quite lost among the wasted crowd
which men beget and throw in the thronged streets
to go towards an abyss of most dreadful sights.
Men walk along the streets in such a way
that shows they are quite prompt to fight and slay.
They show quite ruthless hearts in their vile eyes
that can shed blood just for some empty praise.
There is no place for those who are humane.
They are accused of girlish styles and brain,
and should greet first to avoid frowning looks
if not, a word when answered brings attacks.
If weak, you find no place for you to go.
All places are for those who can their power show.
You have that trait, you walk with scornful pride.
If not, your place is just the grave where you can hide.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
____________________________________
My Lord, is this the world for which Your Son has died?
I see myself quite lost among the wasted crowd
which men beget and throw in the thronged streets
to go towards an abyss of most dreadful sights.
Men walk along the streets in such a way
that shows they are quite prompt to fight and slay.
They show quite ruthless hearts in their vile eyes
that can shed blood just for some empty praise.
There is no place for those who are humane.
They are accused of girlish styles and brain,
and should greet first to avoid frowning looks
if not, a word when answered brings attacks.
If weak, you find no place for you to go.
All places are for those who can their power show.
You have that trait, you walk with scornful pride.
If not, your place is just the grave where you can hide.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
____________________________________
Published 15th Aug 2018
| Edited 16th Aug 2018
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15th Aug 2018 11:49pm
Struggles make us stronger!
Ephesians 6:10-12
10Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.
11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Ephesians 6:10-12
10Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.
11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
16th Aug 2018 8:43am
Very dear Tig,
Thank you veru much for your comment. It's a very good answer to the poem.
Thank you veru much for your comment. It's a very good answer to the poem.
This is just another preachy, badly written, all tell, no show piece that suffers from your insistence that for a writing to be poetry, it has to conform to an archaic model of how poetry must be set out upon a page.
Take these lines for instance:
I see myself quite lost among the wasted crowd
which man beget and throw in the thronged streets
to go towards an abyss of most dreadful sights.
To be grammatically (not to mention metrically) correct, your second line would have to be:
which man begetS and throwS in[to] the throng filled streets
Then there's the question of whether this line makes sense. "Man" throws a crowd into streets?
I'm left wondering by this and other features of this piece, as well as what appears in other things you post here, if you know what coherent lines and unforced rhyme and "showing not telling" look like. I have very little evidence that you do.
Take these lines for instance:
I see myself quite lost among the wasted crowd
which man beget and throw in the thronged streets
to go towards an abyss of most dreadful sights.
To be grammatically (not to mention metrically) correct, your second line would have to be:
which man begetS and throwS in[to] the throng filled streets
Then there's the question of whether this line makes sense. "Man" throws a crowd into streets?
I'm left wondering by this and other features of this piece, as well as what appears in other things you post here, if you know what coherent lines and unforced rhyme and "showing not telling" look like. I have very little evidence that you do.
Very dear Baldwin,
I corrected the mistake by changing MAN to MEN. Thank you for your remark. I must admit l thought that MAN muust be plural because it means the human being, but when you corrected it to me, l looked it up in the dictionary and foud out you were right, so l corrected it as l mentioned above.
I corrected the mistake by changing MAN to MEN. Thank you for your remark. I must admit l thought that MAN muust be plural because it means the human being, but when you corrected it to me, l looked it up in the dictionary and foud out you were right, so l corrected it as l mentioned above.
