the hard truth

 
the junkies have a club of understanding
you have to know what it's like to be dope sick to get in
it's an exclusive club
marking you for life
once you feel the nod
you'll be wanting to nod forever
 
except I didn't want that  
when I had little kids who wanted to play outside
but mommy was too fucked up to stay awake and watch
this is something I never talk about
what a messed up mother I was
my children ran wild
I spent most of my time  
locked in a bathroom doing dope
 
when I first saw the junkies I was intrigued
a club I wanted to belong to
always people who understood you
 
I was a child mother
who was there to understand my children?  
not me
I had to give them up for adoption
that's the facts of it
the hard, ugly truth
 
I can't glorify those days
this is the pain I still try to block out
but I'm honestly trying to get clean
cos my children are grown now and still a part of my life
I can't let them down a final time