deepundergroundpoetry.com
COUCH POTATO FOREPLAY
I hear footsteps.
Surreptitiously sliding
In between sofa cushions
Another hide ‘n’ seek begins
A blast! For me anyway.
Invariably I next hear
“HONEY!
HAVE YOU SEEN THE REMOTE?”
Pillows start to fly
Subsequently a barrage
of every cuss word
From the huge creature's limited lexicon
Easing to the floor
rolling beneath the love-seat
I hang with a long lost Wii controller
till fat, groping fingers appear
moving violently to and fro.
Grasp yields fur balls, candy wrappers,
nothing more.
If the room were not dimly lit
and I more brightly colored
it would be game over in no time
Sometimes I encounter danger.
Unwelcome attention from a cockroach.
A sharp claw swipe from a furry paw.
Next, frantic dash for home base
“Babe it’s right here on the table.”
“No way! I swear I looked there first!”
“Sure you did old man.”
Ha ha ha...priceless!!
My mischief will not go unpunished
Buttons will be mercilessly mashed so hard
And I will wince in exquisite pain
Worth it? Oh hell yeah!
Surreptitiously sliding
In between sofa cushions
Another hide ‘n’ seek begins
A blast! For me anyway.
Invariably I next hear
“HONEY!
HAVE YOU SEEN THE REMOTE?”
Pillows start to fly
Subsequently a barrage
of every cuss word
From the huge creature's limited lexicon
Easing to the floor
rolling beneath the love-seat
I hang with a long lost Wii controller
till fat, groping fingers appear
moving violently to and fro.
Grasp yields fur balls, candy wrappers,
nothing more.
If the room were not dimly lit
and I more brightly colored
it would be game over in no time
Sometimes I encounter danger.
Unwelcome attention from a cockroach.
A sharp claw swipe from a furry paw.
Next, frantic dash for home base
“Babe it’s right here on the table.”
“No way! I swear I looked there first!”
“Sure you did old man.”
Ha ha ha...priceless!!
My mischief will not go unpunished
Buttons will be mercilessly mashed so hard
And I will wince in exquisite pain
Worth it? Oh hell yeah!
Published 31st Jul 2018
| Edited 1st Aug 2018
Author's Note
This piece was inpired by by the "Personification" competition.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 4
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comments 10
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
dearest GahddessWorship a most inventive write
I read your entry in the comp. and I thought it was amazing...
love Crim
I read your entry in the comp. and I thought it was amazing...
love Crim
31st Jul 2018 11:32pm
Thank you so much Crim! I am elated that you like the piece. I had a lot of fun writing this one. Kudos to Al for a stimulating challenge.
When I was a kid I was overly compassionate to inanimate objects attributing to them rational thought and feelings. I am glad of the chance to apply, once again, that imagination.
You encourage me with your words!
When I was a kid I was overly compassionate to inanimate objects attributing to them rational thought and feelings. I am glad of the chance to apply, once again, that imagination.
You encourage me with your words!
31st Jul 2018 11:48pm
The remote is an excellent choice to be personified. All those buttons to consider. You said it well at the end: "Worth it? Oh hell yeah!" Fine work! Now what happens when you switch channels to, say, "Wild Kingdom"? That should get some results.
1st Aug 2018 8:38am
Thank you Sir Crow. I'm not sure "Wild Kingdom" would answer to a remote;s commands being PRE (pre remote era) Marlin was essentially the remote and Jim followed his commands :D
Anonymous
- Edited 27th Dec 2019 12:45pm
1st Aug 2018 00:16am
<< post removed >>
Thank you so much Aemelia! That you laughed makes me say "my work here is done."I am pleased that you enjoyed the piece.
1st Aug 2018 9:33am
Truly enjoyed this humorous foray into your imagination, Hans.
Well done, and Good Luck in the comp.
Well done, and Good Luck in the comp.
1st Aug 2018 5:10pm
1st Aug 2018 8:54pm
WELL SHIT!!………….red faced and back pedaling, I am now.
BOB...…..BOB...……..BOB.
Hans is yet another TERRIFIC poet I follow and old age is what you have now been subjected to.
Truly sorry, Bob
(as she mutters to herself, slowly turns and crawls into a corner, banging herself on the forehead.)
*sheepishly place smiley face here, and hope for forgiveness.
:-)
BOB...…..BOB...……..BOB.
Hans is yet another TERRIFIC poet I follow and old age is what you have now been subjected to.
Truly sorry, Bob
(as she mutters to herself, slowly turns and crawls into a corner, banging herself on the forehead.)
*sheepishly place smiley face here, and hope for forgiveness.
:-)
That's what I surmised...no worries 😁 That could happen at any age. Just so happens that I tapped into Hans'imagination for this piece 😉
