The English

The English, I am told, like a firm grip
And ungentle upbraiding: they're bad boys,  
Who need the brutal beating; as I sip  
My tea, I contemplate these English joys  
And wonder at their masculinity:  
Old haunches marked and striped to engineer  
Erections (that are often blue pill free);  
As all that vice-Anglaise makes very clear,  
They follow rules and share their fav'rite whip  
Flogger, martinet or other tool  
To bring them back to life; then they can slip  
Their hardness in, so long as I can fool  
Them with my foreign passion; and can learn  
From English, who enjoy it when we're firm.    
   
(With thanks to BCP for the idea)