The Lady In The Photograph VI (Last Post)

 
Life is a cycle
not a motorcycle
or a menstrual cycle
can be a cycle of abuse
if you allow it to be so
there are many things that
repeat themselves and not
just history and rich foods
I have learned nothing from
history or rich foods
I can avoid rich foods
sadly due to repetition
I can't avoid my history
it dictates in dictats
a personality born into
alcoholism and real madness
that set my tone for living
turned me into a doormat
a soft touch, way too easy
I fear I will never change
as history repeatedly
kicks me in the family jewels

but then there is
The Lady In The Photograph
who gave love and compassion freely
there was no bill to pay
but just because there is no bill to pay
doesn't mean there won't be a final reckoning
Our Journey has come full circle
from a caring father figure
To a crazy, funny Uncle Buck
to star crossed passionate lovers
I loved and played each role
she became my Lighthouse
my angel, my Goddess my Petal
my future wife, arrangements made
my forever end of life partner
we have shared love and laughter
we've shared sadness and tears
we shared previous traumas
we spoke of truth and lies
we collaborated on some fine poetry
one removed from embarrassment
we held each other for the longest times
gentle hugs to big bear hugs
we loved unconditionally
it was as beautiful to experience
as it was to witness
true love

But wait! What happened to the cycle
where is history with my boot to the balls
reader beware: Never, ever ask that question
the minute you do you will regret it
the wedding bells fell silent
the kilt stayed in its suit bag
the fingers remained ringless
the courthouse got cancelled
the depression took hold
suicidal thoughts unbound
the Samaritans hang up the phone
apparently you become a nuisance
if you call too many times and
you are not dead or deadish yet
my balls don't seem large enough
to bite the big bazooka and there end them
I can't reach the rafters for the rope
I did consider a hunger strike whilst
chugging down two double cheese burgers
but never say never:

what do you do when the love of your life
where you were the love of their life
all of a sudden want to be just friends
their love has obviously changed
what if yours hasn't changed at all
can you be friends with an ex-lover
some one that you feel passionately
in love with: Well! Can you?
this question needs answers double quick
send your answers on a fuckin postcard
Loving unconditionally puts me at a disadvantage
I love her and I always will
you can't turn that kind of love off
and believe me, I've tried hard for weeks
choosing a life without her is unthinkable
a way of living unsustainable, unimaginable
sometimes the choice is ripped from us
despite having a broken heart, the thought
of that would shatter it into tiny fragments
maybe there is no coming back from this
maybe the end is actually night for once

Lady in the photograph: I love you
I will always love you, support you
care for you, protect you, keeping you safe
I will be at your beckon call, always
I will be your to command in this life
no matter how short that time might be
I will always be a messenger message away
But I will always pine and grieve for my loss
not sure how I managed it
must have fucked it up big time
I will never blame her for any of this
I have always been the one at fault all my life
and I will not hear a wrong word against her
in my mind she will always be my
Lady In The Photograph
with my dying breath her
name will be on my lips
my love for her in my heart

because there is no fool like an old fool
no cripple like a real cripple
I have just become a professional doormat
Regardless of circumstance and treatment
You could learn a lot from me, seriously
Just look at my life and do the opposite
Attempts to be a good guy are always
Rewarded by abuse and usury
Giving unconditional love rewarded
By infidelity and indifference
If you ever find your own lady
In The Photograph - man up
Don't just be a fuck up like me

I have always tried to do the right thing
I have always tried to be one of the good guys
I haven't always hit the mark
There's no shame in that: I tried
On my gravestone I simply want
The words: "At Least I Fuckin Tried."
At my funeral I want the full set of
Lady in The Photograph, read out
I am no longer permitted to let my
Living and life to be a tribute to her
Maybe my death and dying can be
A tribute to her giving her closure