little girl nightmares

 
I'm sure I must be quite evil
why else would the devil be drawn to me as a child
whispering dark thoughts that I entertained
 
born to a schizophrenic mother
my dad gone because of divorce
it was just me and my two older brothers
locked in the closet a lot
because I was a problem
the rest of the time I was left on my own  
 
I remember the devil talking to me
through the news  
all about Ted Bundy
and women come up missing
 
I would love to say this didn't appeal to me
but for a child left abandoned
something about just disappearing was inviting
 
you have to understand I was an extremely intelligent child
and the thought of being prized by anyone called to me
you can judge me if you like
but something in me was broken
 
I've never hurt anyone in my life
or dreamed of hurting anyone
but once I was a child  
who fantasized quite morbidly
about my own demise