deepundergroundpoetry.com
Saturday night rain
Sitting here listening to the rain
Alone
Again
Counting how many times
In my life this has happened
Must be a million people living in this city
Yet I feel like I am lost in a far away wilderness
Alone
Again
What did I do wrong?
How is it that life is passing me by?
Did I take the wrong fork in the road?
The rain tells me that I am
Alone
Again
Alone
Again
Counting how many times
In my life this has happened
Must be a million people living in this city
Yet I feel like I am lost in a far away wilderness
Alone
Again
What did I do wrong?
How is it that life is passing me by?
Did I take the wrong fork in the road?
The rain tells me that I am
Alone
Again
Published 22nd Jul 2018
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Lovely little poem may I suggest you do not need' counting' You say' counting how many times' The question implies you did count.
Do you need to say 'must'
'Yet I feel like ' not necessary ' I am lost' much neater
'Must be' not necessary
No need for 'How'
'The rain tells me {that} I am' no need to use' that'
I hope I do not offend This a good poem these changes may help the flow. Kexby
Do you need to say 'must'
'Yet I feel like ' not necessary ' I am lost' much neater
'Must be' not necessary
No need for 'How'
'The rain tells me {that} I am' no need to use' that'
I hope I do not offend This a good poem these changes may help the flow. Kexby
23rd Jul 2018 00:47am
No offense at all, thanks for the advice, after what you said, I agree. I have been writing since i was 12 but never really took it seriously. I would just write down things, events that were happening in my life but till I found this site i never showed or shared with anyone. I am still a novice, thanks again.
