July 13

Am I tough for not crying, or am I just numb? Lying here in pain but the tears never come.
My chest begins to heave and breaths start to quicken. My heart compressed from hurt but my mouth has been dumb stricken.
I open my mouth, not a whimper comes out. Not a swear or curse. Not a scream or shout.
My body wants to react but my mind  doesn't care. And my heart is completely ignoring the emotions that are there.
I think my mind and heart have wised up to my hurt.  Tired of wearing pain everyday like a tight fitting shirt.
Making my whole day unpleasant because I'm constantly unhappy. Then he fixes his mouth to complain about me being snappy?
So I hide my hurt because it makes him uncomfortable. Never accepting the fact he's the one responsible.
I sware if I could smoke pain away, I'd roll that mothafucka up, and then I'd take two puffs.  
I'd rather be high instead of feeling so damn low. I'm sick of this half ass charade putting on a show. Trying to keep pieces together when they keep falling apart. All this faking is fucking with my heart.
I'll be damned if I let myself get so depressed again I curl in a ball and cry! So right now my heart is numb but my cheeks are dry.
Lord,  forgive me for my anger, my sins, and my shame. I just want to do something, anything to take away this pain.