deepundergroundpoetry.com
an addict's prayer
break me at the kneecaps
so I can't run to the drug driving me
rusted out thoughts of the easy way out
I'm clean hallelujah my head is clear
pain cries at acapella
damn it I want my mind back
your left, your left
keep on marching bitch!
the town is on fire get the fuck out
feeling froggy like I'm about to jump
but God help me
not into the same old cesspool
I've been swimming in
with a wet dream of being an author
speaking from fried out brain receptors
still, there's a fire in my belly
I pick myself up and begin again
did drug-lite yesterday
today nothing
it feels good in a damn I'm crawling across glass
but standing tall kind of way
I will write myself a new story
walk it and as they say fake this shit
until I believe it
right now if the crank was in front of me
I would do it no doubt about it
reality washes over me
don't want to ramble like a mad woman
I desire a sharp instrument of destruction
to carve ideas from
Published 12th Jul 2018
Author's Note
please listen...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZsyuANechU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZsyuANechU
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 16
reading list entries 3
comments 28
reads 1438
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
12th Jul 2018 7:58pm
Awesome write here
Such strong words...
Never give up the fight
:)
Such strong words...
Never give up the fight
:)
12th Jul 2018 8:57pm
Anonymous
12th Jul 2018 8:07pm
Keep that beat going, gorgeous. You can do it! I love you
...ever your Willow
...ever your Willow
12th Jul 2018 8:58pm
12th Jul 2018 8:58pm
Anonymous
12th Jul 2018 8:22pm
Such a brave walk my darling! Huge hugs always🤗
12th Jul 2018 8:59pm
12th Jul 2018 8:38pm
Well your clean so let’s go from there lady!
Wonderful capturing the truth of a dry drug addicts endless desire scratching at the surface!
Hang i there babygirl you’re doing great!
Broomie xo
Wonderful capturing the truth of a dry drug addicts endless desire scratching at the surface!
Hang i there babygirl you’re doing great!
Broomie xo
12th Jul 2018 9:00pm
12th Jul 2018 8:39pm
forgive my narcissism but this looks & feels a little like my style : therefore i feel i can make nip& tuck suggestions.
also before i start i love it as it is and none of these are in any way necessary
i'd begin with "break me at the kneecaps" - i like a running start. if you'd like to keep the 'im clean hallelujah' i'd move it in front of stanza 2 and maybe italicise it (that might be a step too far, thinking on it)
stanza numero tre : youve got more buts in this thing than a bus seat. slap it and send it out
iv: if the I offends thee cut it out : as in, you can do without it and it will feel more descriptive without. 'wet dreams of being an author' or 'being an author is a wet dream' or any other way u can think of to phrase it.
same for number 5. if you can bear to part with it take out the second i. The 'and' could go too.
i don't get the "drug-light" bit tbh, is it like drug-lite? or crack or something idk. i believe if you have a context for it then there's no need to explain it out, so
6: keep this 'i'. you deserve it. i think it would have more impact without the others tho
7: reality washing over you - and i'm being really picky here - could be changed, or switched out under the 'ramble like a madwoman' line, because i think thats where it fits but your brain got ahead of itself.
anything ive not mentioned i love
also before i start i love it as it is and none of these are in any way necessary
i'd begin with "break me at the kneecaps" - i like a running start. if you'd like to keep the 'im clean hallelujah' i'd move it in front of stanza 2 and maybe italicise it (that might be a step too far, thinking on it)
stanza numero tre : youve got more buts in this thing than a bus seat. slap it and send it out
iv: if the I offends thee cut it out : as in, you can do without it and it will feel more descriptive without. 'wet dreams of being an author' or 'being an author is a wet dream' or any other way u can think of to phrase it.
same for number 5. if you can bear to part with it take out the second i. The 'and' could go too.
i don't get the "drug-light" bit tbh, is it like drug-lite? or crack or something idk. i believe if you have a context for it then there's no need to explain it out, so
6: keep this 'i'. you deserve it. i think it would have more impact without the others tho
7: reality washing over you - and i'm being really picky here - could be changed, or switched out under the 'ramble like a madwoman' line, because i think thats where it fits but your brain got ahead of itself.
anything ive not mentioned i love
12th Jul 2018 9:04pm
thank you dearest Anna most graciously for the honest critique admittedly while writing Mistress Grin yesterday the dark bitch in me was awoken if you read my older stuff you'll see her there... that and I was tapping into your energies to write that poem...I made several of the changes you suggested... I deeply appreciate the amount of thought you and time you put into this...
love Brenda
love Brenda
12th Jul 2018 9:14pm
everyone is addicted...addiction (habit consciousness represented by the Moon in astrology) cannot be eliminated, only replaced...replacing destructive habits with constructive ones is evolution...the consciousness of the need to change addictions is a giant evolutionary leap...in the end it matters little what our addictions are just whether they harm others...
enjoy yourself Brenda
Lawrence
enjoy yourself Brenda
Lawrence
12th Jul 2018 9:30pm
thank you graciously dearest Lawrence for your shared knowledge... the main person I'm harming is me with my addiction it's stealing from me... I have to change that...
I deeply appreciate the love...
love Brenda
I deeply appreciate the love...
love Brenda
12th Jul 2018 9:14pm
You write better clean then when Lucifer is banging you in the butt with no grease.
Keep it going
Keep it going
12th Jul 2018 9:31pm
aw thank you dearest Poet I couldn't want for a better comment :)
love you..
Brenda
love you..
Brenda
12th Jul 2018 10:18pm
Poetry is sometimes driven by the darkness within our souls. Keep going crimsin.
13th Jul 2018 7:01pm
thank you graciously dearest Dark Sun indeed the darkness can be a driving force I deeply appreciate the beautifully insightful comment...
love Crim
love Crim
Anonymous
- Edited 30th Jul 2018 7:47am
12th Jul 2018 10:31pm
<< post removed >>
13th Jul 2018 7:02pm
Staying clean can be an ordeal, non-stop temptation. I hope you manage to stay crank-free and my hat's off to you despite those pesky cravings. You don't "rant like a madwoman," you pen like an articulate, highly intelligent poet. You're one of the best here, clean or otherwise...
13th Jul 2018 7:03pm
thank you dearest Sir Crow indeed it is... I appreciate the love you show me and my writing very deeply...
love Crim
love Crim
13th Jul 2018 2:09am
This verse really jumped out at me:
"with a wet dream of being an author
speaking from fried out brain receptors
still, there's a fire in my belly"
Illustrates in such a clear way how our vices pull us from the visions we once had. Powerful stuff. And yet a part of us still keeps fighting to get there.
"with a wet dream of being an author
speaking from fried out brain receptors
still, there's a fire in my belly"
Illustrates in such a clear way how our vices pull us from the visions we once had. Powerful stuff. And yet a part of us still keeps fighting to get there.
13th Jul 2018 7:04pm
thank you dearest Tender One for feeling this one yes they do sidetrack us...
love Crim
love Crim
13th Jul 2018 8:07pm
14th Jul 2018 1:07am
15th Jul 2018 3:33am
fried out brain receptors ? hey if i got them too would I be as good a poet as you :-)))))))
I am not being flippant with this raw desperate write hit me right in the heart :-((
Huge Hugs and love :-)))))))
I am not being flippant with this raw desperate write hit me right in the heart :-((
Huge Hugs and love :-)))))))
16th Jul 2018 2:00am
thank you graciously dearest David for feeling me so deeply on this...
love & hugs..
Brenda
love & hugs..
Brenda
