deepundergroundpoetry.com
SPEEDING TO THE FULL STOP
SPEEDING TO THE FULL STOP
She went to school so nicely dressed, schoolbag in hand.
Her mother blessed her little head, adjusting her school band.
She is the hope of mother and her home.
They see in her the pledge that life will bloom.
Days turn and in a wink she is a mum.
She sends her child to school and waits for her to come.
Her child in turn becomes her life and hope,
and days go on while we are drunk with dope.
What is the reason for all that great fuss?
Life goes on while we are in light_speed bus.
We are so happy and we live with hope
while days go on just having one full stop.
The sun is born with glorious shine,
and each man says, " Today is mine."
All of a sudden it folds up in past,
and life goes by; no days or hope will last.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
____________________________________
She went to school so nicely dressed, schoolbag in hand.
Her mother blessed her little head, adjusting her school band.
She is the hope of mother and her home.
They see in her the pledge that life will bloom.
Days turn and in a wink she is a mum.
She sends her child to school and waits for her to come.
Her child in turn becomes her life and hope,
and days go on while we are drunk with dope.
What is the reason for all that great fuss?
Life goes on while we are in light_speed bus.
We are so happy and we live with hope
while days go on just having one full stop.
The sun is born with glorious shine,
and each man says, " Today is mine."
All of a sudden it folds up in past,
and life goes by; no days or hope will last.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
____________________________________
Published 2nd Jul 2018
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The author encourages honest critique.
2nd Jul 2018 2:54pm
dearest Joseph wonderful write of truths
we should take note...
excellent...
love Crimsin
we should take note...
excellent...
love Crimsin
2nd Jul 2018 4:44pm
Time does fly my friend you say it here so well here.
but until the end....
Romans 12:12
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.
but until the end....
Romans 12:12
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.
2nd Jul 2018 10:07pm
2nd Jul 2018 10:10pm
4th Jul 2018 7:28pm
I note that all of you pieces are virtually the same in terms of their form and rhyme scheme. I also notice that they are almost always poorly written given that your apparent understanding that they have to follow an archaic notion of the form that a writing must take in order for them to be poetry forces you to make grammatical mistakes (such as leaving out needed articles) to maintain the meter you think a poem has to have, and to engage in awkward inversions of speech and ungrammatical combination of words and phrases in order to get a rhyme. Furthermore they are excessively preachy in tone, and rarely, if ever, do what poetry is supposed to do -- namely, show rather than tell.
I have to wonder not only why you think poetry has to have the shape you always cast your attempts at it in, but whether you have ever read any modern poetry.
Are you capable of following a different form and abandoning the idea that your lines have to rhyme?
I have to wonder not only why you think poetry has to have the shape you always cast your attempts at it in, but whether you have ever read any modern poetry.
Are you capable of following a different form and abandoning the idea that your lines have to rhyme?
5th Jul 2018 9:06pm
Dear Baldwin,
Thank you very much for your useful observations which l like very much. I'll try to avoid some of the points, but l believe that there is big difference between prose and poetry. I don't consider modern poetry real poetry. It's prose. Thank you very much.
Thank you very much for your useful observations which l like very much. I'll try to avoid some of the points, but l believe that there is big difference between prose and poetry. I don't consider modern poetry real poetry. It's prose. Thank you very much.
5th Jul 2018 10:05pm
Seriously? T.S. Eliot, W.C. Williams, the Imagists, R. Whitman, B. Collins, M. Oliver, Linda Pastan, D. Parker, Ezra Pound, Wallace Stevens, Robert Lowell, Sylvia Plath, W.B. Yeats, Seamus Heaney, Edward Thomas, Wilfred Owen, W.H. Auden, Dylan Thomas, Ted Hughes, Constantine P. Cavafy, Elizabeth Bishop, H.H., Basil Bunting, William Empson, Philip Larkin, W.S. Graham, Ranier Maria Rilke, Robert Frost, Pablo Neruda, etc., etc., etc., all wrote prose?
5th Jul 2018 10:07pm
Would this be poetry. Is it good poetry? Why so, if it is? Does it use language well?
I am abandoned by my god.
He left me like an out worn sod.
And I him wanted to embrace
but he me wished to full erase.
And all my days away I pine
in hope of blessings more than fine
to cauterize all sin from me
so soul shall be redeemed and free.
Pray ye unto grace up from above
then come it will his purging love.
Yes, man rest has in heaven’s light
relieving him from dirty blight.
I am abandoned by my god.
He left me like an out worn sod.
And I him wanted to embrace
but he me wished to full erase.
And all my days away I pine
in hope of blessings more than fine
to cauterize all sin from me
so soul shall be redeemed and free.
Pray ye unto grace up from above
then come it will his purging love.
Yes, man rest has in heaven’s light
relieving him from dirty blight.
5th Jul 2018 11:03pm
Dear Baldwin,
No, l don't consider it good poetry. There is no beauty in it. I prefer poetry to be like good songs, beautiful rhythmic form and ideas. I like your observations, Baldwin. I consider you as a friend. Please treat me likewise. Thank you.
No, l don't consider it good poetry. There is no beauty in it. I prefer poetry to be like good songs, beautiful rhythmic form and ideas. I like your observations, Baldwin. I consider you as a friend. Please treat me likewise. Thank you.
5th Jul 2018 11:12pm
But it mirrors exactly the type of things you write in terms of form and rhyme schemes and content. In fact, I modeled it upon your pieces. And it is perfectly metrical. So how you can say that there's no rhythm in it, let alone that it is not poetry, is beyond me. If it is not, then none of the things you submit here is good poetry.
