Crescent🌛

Another juicy read...

Thank you, SK.

🍊

The moon always is a nice touch for a romantic evening, teehee. Nicely written, Jade!

Thank you, my dear Luna...

You know (as you too feel the same) I love whenever I get the chance to write about the moon, and the night.

Crescent


you force upon me
a misty recall, bringing  
our duel seasons into focus---------that is the force-------duel meaning spring, autumn collide,  
 
while segmenting an orange  
as I absent-mindedly  
walk the garden. -------------------- this is just so good, perfect
 
A waxing crescent moon -------the waxing moon, leave crescent out  
ascends for a
third evening in a row;------- this line does not run smoothly into your        ---------------------------------------next line
 
racing the juice that runs---------dripping juice down my arms  
up my arms,  
for its first sticky taste.
 
These thoughts unchanging----------- your poem picks its self up from here  
despite  
a day's unrelenting heat -------------
 
that transforms a night
that’s still too warm to wear  
my hair unbound.------------------braided  
 
We live different halves,
opposing lives
same endless horizon. ------- opposite horizons
 
Faint light hooks the -------- dapple light hooks  
ends of damp hair
in that moment of solstice
 
when how lovely the  
scent of rind--------------olfactory of rind
won't wash off me for days.


this critique is, and hopefully adds to your insight, on all levels of your writing,

because you have a gift that is within reach,  your metamorphosis is in reserve, I'm so

sure of it, because there is an intellectual awareness there. look poetry is

a many-sided force, and not even me know all its sides  

I thank you.


🍊

Personally...

I think this poem, was a perfect response to the happenings in the thread. Moreso, the response in reply was considered and a definate turning point, in what has been written so far.

The whole idea of going for a walk, eating an orange and replying to a letter is lovely imagery.

To think that it then pivoted from there into the realm of the absolute in abstract dramatic theatre and film, is just out of this world.

Nicely done Jadey.

Blue Skies at you
Al
=)

It took me a while to know what to say to your caring & insightful words, and all I have for you is...

coming from you, Alistair, as a friend & unique poet in your expressions like no other scribe I’ve known, this means so much, and I thank you for the place of honor in your Reading List.

Jadey 🐾🍊

Sensual as a warm summer's night.  The juice running on your arms is a particularly nice touch.  I can damn near smell that scent.  Wonderful!

Thank you, my crowfly friend, and so could I as I wrote the lines... the sweet scent, the night’s heat...

You force upon me  
a misty recall, bringing
our duel seasons into focus  

while segmenting an orange  
as I absent-mindedly  
walk the garden.  
 
A waxing crescent moon  
ascends for a  
third evening in a row  
 
racing the juice that runs  
up my arms  
for its first sticky taste.  

Oh my gawd!

What a genius start to a genius write.

I love this!

Thomas

Thank you, tommy, I’m so glad, and I thank you for another place of honor.

The magic of imagination and how we each look at a subject and think of something completely different.  That's what makes it so unique and an interesting world to live in (thankfully lol, otherwise we'd be bored out of our minds)

When i fist saw it in the comp my instinct was 'wow its so delicate and yet there's pizzazz to it, this girl can write!' and ofcourse the other beautiful aspect was the curve ball taking the comp to a new direction up'ing the game.

It's been a fun challenge and one that inspired me to write more, better and pushing the boundaries further.  Thank you Jade for not only sharing your art but also showing everyone how to do it gracefully :)

This    
Sunday morning      
is so quiet    
even the birds have yet    
to find a voice      
while    
I lay curled in bed    
silently tapping      
yet    
in the closeness      
of peaceful  
I seem to    
detect    
a cacophony      
that joins in      
to    
heighten my dazed      
and    
overwhelmed head    
that      
chases out    
through my ears    
all words of thanks    
while      
leaving the attic      
filled
to the rafters    
with  
gratitude.

This is lovely, you have a terrific imagination.

Thank you kindly, Catman, and a warm welcome to you from the Deep.

~Jade 🐾🍊

Jade this is absolutely fantastic!!
I loved it entirely.
You have such a perfect way of writing that there is almost never any other way to describe it than just that...perfection!!
Amazing job here!!

Ahh my dear Friend, I feel almost as speechless as I was before when you’d commented on a recent prose poem of mine... I could hardly think.  And this time, I’m trying to push through so I don’t just blither.  Your support & enthusiast confirmations for my work is like a bowl you’ve given me of such warm, soul-satisfying soup... I don’t even know how to finish this without going sappy on you, so I hope you understand.

with pen salute & respect,
Your friend, Jadey

🐾🍊

Beautiful! I love how the shape of the fruit is echoed in the shape of the moon.
This poem is moody in the best way and sets a distinctive scene. I imagine the heat and the darkness and the sensuality of the moment. Plus, sticky  juices are sexy imagery.
I don’t love the use of “force” in the beginning, because that is usually used negatively to imply a lack of consent. The rest of the poem seems very consensual.
Very erotic and emotional.

Why thank you so very much, Kate, for stopping by on your very first day, to read my write, to lavish your thoughts of it to me.  And warmest welcome to the Deep!

(As for the use of the word “force”, I know what you mean, and it’s meant to give the reader a jolt.  The piece is in response to a letter of correspondence from a fellow participant in a currently ongoing competition “Envelopes of Air”.)

🍊💐

This is very good. You have talent.

Thank you for your words, rainy. How good of you to come in for a read.

~Jade🍊

This is delicious. It’s the best word I have. The hair “hooked” ends of hair, the orange sticky sensuality. It’s somewhat an erotic Secret Garden to me some how. Beautifully written...perfect word choices, and the ending is superb!

(btw, I’m writing for the DU ODE, and you’re part of my team. Thought you should know, because Limo and I are talking smack!) 🦋

I thank you, River, for sharing your thoughts on my piece...

I’m pretty stunned right now

Why thank you, dear Rose, how good of you to visit me here with such words of appreciation.  I’m filled with gladness.

Jade🍊