No Rest For The Wicked...

I did my best to try and not show that I’m crazy as fuck, but I’m a ticking time bomb and I’m ready to erupt.  
I might just go ahead and put that 9 to my brain, and maybe then the pain will stop, or am I going insane?
Clearly I can’t think straight my mind, it’s fucking racing. Is death really worse then the sentence that’s awaiting?  
Please! Don’t tell me to calm down. You don’t understand shit! I’m up the creek without a paddle, the rivers flowing like the blood from my wrists. You didn’t know that I slit? Show’s how much you pay attention. Not enough to see the pain I’m in is beyond imagination.  
I prayed that I wouldn’t wake, and yet somehow I’m still here. Started to think that things were getting better but that hope disappeared. where’s a blunt when I need It? Right now, I’d kill to roll one up. I’d use the heat from my anger and spark It right the fuck up. The only one who seemed to get me met her demise too early… Rest in peace mama, what I wouldn’t do to have you back here in a hurry.  
This is what I get? The devil’s working too hard, to try and sabotage my livelihood, with her words she bombards.  
Don’t think that you know me. You don’t know Jack! Daniel’s the only one who’s ever really had my back. He picks me up when I’m down, and even though It makes me sick, he’s always there by my side, to my buds his taste does stick. Shot after shot, the nightly troubles seem to fade away, only to resurface in the morning, regurgitated from my hungover haze.  
somehow I must deserve this, from past sins I’ve committed, an insomniac forever as there’s no rest for the wicked.