deepundergroundpoetry.com
nas'falon
escape,
E S C A P E.
y̶̘̣͡͝o̦̟͎̰̗̥̭̮̕͢͠u͕̥͟͝ ̧̘͔̰̜͈͡ͅl̠͔͞e̴̫̳t̩̰̰̹̹ ̷̨̹̟͖͙͈̜̬̘h̶̜̭͓͇̺̞̯͔̱̕i̱͓̯͇̘͕̥ḿ͍̱̮̭͘ ̶̜ṣ̥͙͚͎e͎̪̫̠̮ͅe̷̝̩͍͍̼͓̻.
it is a monster that swims beneath your veins
B̫͓̭̼͔͚͝E͏̠͕̞̲̰͎͔Ą͚̻̭̹̞̞ͅT̢̰̣̫̩̟̖̕S̸͏͓̦̘͇̼̞̝̬͓ ̶̨̬̦̩̣͓͓̝̪̺A̵̭̱̰̙̲̲͍̠̕͟G̲͓͕̱̫̫̭̪͙̕A̴̻̱͙̱͡I͏͖͎̞̣̹̳̕N̨̟̬̻̺̟̲̺̭͘͝S̴̶̗̯͉̳̰̻T̷͚̮ ̡̼̞̰̣͈̫͘Y̸̗̖̥͍O̷̺̮̕U͡͏̩̺̤͚̭͔͍R̨̗͙̥̘͙̱͎͝ͅ ̹̰͎̮͇͍̖S҉̵̢͖̠͇͙̝̝K̸̶͉̥̲̺͚̦̘͎U̱͕͟͜Ĺ̨̮̞̹̲̦͕̹ͅL҉̯͍̭̫͚
it is a mantra that you cannot forget, will not forget, for you are forced to obey to its whims.
rage, so explosive stems from t̶̠̯̼̫͠ͅe͕̞̖̲̕͡r̴̴̠͚r̡͓͚̪̰͜ͅó̪̖̩̜͙͝r̴̬͓̤͓̗̝̯͙̜͢, fear of...
abandonment, of being... r̜͕̩̦͕͝e̜̣̥̹͕͍͉͢p҉̙͇͍l̢̺̣͎̗̬̩̘̥̦̀a̸̡͙̠̱̥̝͇͉͠c̣̦͙̮ę̷͈d͎̭̦̞̘͍̀͜.
you helped him discover his own monster, lurking just b̦͖͕̠̕͜ͅe҉͖̞͙̗̲̰̝͢ͅn͢͏̪̦̳̼͚e͈̕͞a͇̣͎̣̹t̛͏̯̙͙̰̪ͅͅh҉͖͕͡͝ͅ the surface, you have shared flesh, tears and joy.. and yet..
infatuation, t̵͖̯̺̩̰̞͓͚̞̕͜h̶̹̟͕̭̕e̛͎̜̫̩̹͈̕ ̴̬̹͇̹̖͈̘m̡̨̘̹̩̗͎̲ͅo͏͍̲ͅn̪͍̦͍̙̺̝͔̺͘ş̵̲̼̮̗͚̼t̴̢̯̤̳̹͞e̷̱͉̙̙̫̲͇̫r̟͙͈͇͕͡ dictates that you play second fiddle..
that he see you as the monster.. j̡̠̭̳̠͓̮͍̜͜e͟͟͏̮͕̗͎̮͈a̵̛̜͚l͏҉͓̩̰̞ờ͔̰͈̕ù̙̱̘̪̘s̙̯̞̪͉̳͉͍̩y̛̪͉̞̥̻̝̣̝̜͠,̨͈̘̭̤̹̗͉̻͘ ̢̻̥͓͎̰̪ͅͅr̵̗̯̹͇͙͠à͈̟̖̣͎̞̫́g̭̮̬̩̦ͅȩ̹̦̦͓ ͏̝̟͘a̴͔͔̤͚̹̠̲̠͢͞n̶͍̻͕̫̻d̲͖̙̗̼͖͈͠ ̖͇͍o̰̼͓͟h͘҉̱̪̟̯̘.̠̘̻̕͢.͚͉͎̺͓ͅ ̛͓̯̘̺̻t̖̲̀h̨̭̣̠̬̤͢͡e̸͖̳̣͈̲̤̖ ҉҉͉̦̳̦͢f̵̩̘̦̮̘͓̝e҉̜̮a̛͔͔͚͙̫͓͈̤̮͠ŗ̜̯͚̗̯͇.̴̷̱͕
you fear losing the closeness, you fear the love turn to lies... and you don't even love him r̶͚͓o̗̭͚̬̗̤͡͝m̟̤͍̀͢a̴̞̣̦̻̳̜͘ͅn̲͓̕͠͠ṱ̸͖̹͈̥̞͢ͅi̸͈͍͖̘c̷̛͇̪͉͇͎͚̰̺a̮͓̮̝͝l͏̠͠l̙̥̣̹̲͘͟y̰̹̖̝̜̫.҉̦̥͉͍͎̪̺. and yet, your heart bleeds on your sleeve.
he is your nas'falon, your best friend.. the soul mate in which you feel a closeness above all else. and yet by comparison..
t͈̣͕h̪̳͉͔͕͞͝i̤̮͔̖̞͖̰̺̺͡s̶̫͇̫̙̰͜ͅ ̧͈̖͚̯͔̖̰͙í̧̤͙̪͢n̟̗̺f̵̛̥͙͕̙̤͞ͅà̤̘̤̱͎̲̥͞ţ͕̼u̘a̞͎͔̱̺͎̜͞t̴̻̮͢͜į̳̪̠̺̮̀o̫͇̺͢͠n̴͓̮̰̪̤̜͘͘ ̨̟̤̹͞h͇̰̠̦͉̭̞͠a̬̺̟̻̜̣͠s̨͚̤͕͓͉̟ ͙̹͙̥͎̖̼͚t͖̲͔̙́̕͘a̟͢͡ķ̸̰̱̗̲̪̯̩͜e̙̖̰̫͔͘͟ṋ̴̛̺̘̖̦̖͡ ̶͈̭͙͉͠ỳ̯̹̮̬o͚̺̙̦̙͢u͜҉̵̜r̖̟̖̘̱͇͍̣̀͜ͅ ̲̝̠p͖̩͖̲̹̫ͅl̸̳͔̤͓̫̰̫a̧̛͇̙͎͙̦͔c̰̼̻̬̫̺̟͘ͅȩ̸̦͙̥̖̯.͙
and you're left here wondering alone when the moment will come when he will finally cast you aside, like so many have done before.
thoughts swimming, swimming, cannot contain the Á͖G̞͠O̗̲͟Ń̷̻͎̖̞̺̥Y̛͎̺̪̺̫̤̮̮̖͠.
.. and all you want, is to see him smile once more.
E S C A P E.
y̶̘̣͡͝o̦̟͎̰̗̥̭̮̕͢͠u͕̥͟͝ ̧̘͔̰̜͈͡ͅl̠͔͞e̴̫̳t̩̰̰̹̹ ̷̨̹̟͖͙͈̜̬̘h̶̜̭͓͇̺̞̯͔̱̕i̱͓̯͇̘͕̥ḿ͍̱̮̭͘ ̶̜ṣ̥͙͚͎e͎̪̫̠̮ͅe̷̝̩͍͍̼͓̻.
it is a monster that swims beneath your veins
B̫͓̭̼͔͚͝E͏̠͕̞̲̰͎͔Ą͚̻̭̹̞̞ͅT̢̰̣̫̩̟̖̕S̸͏͓̦̘͇̼̞̝̬͓ ̶̨̬̦̩̣͓͓̝̪̺A̵̭̱̰̙̲̲͍̠̕͟G̲͓͕̱̫̫̭̪͙̕A̴̻̱͙̱͡I͏͖͎̞̣̹̳̕N̨̟̬̻̺̟̲̺̭͘͝S̴̶̗̯͉̳̰̻T̷͚̮ ̡̼̞̰̣͈̫͘Y̸̗̖̥͍O̷̺̮̕U͡͏̩̺̤͚̭͔͍R̨̗͙̥̘͙̱͎͝ͅ ̹̰͎̮͇͍̖S҉̵̢͖̠͇͙̝̝K̸̶͉̥̲̺͚̦̘͎U̱͕͟͜Ĺ̨̮̞̹̲̦͕̹ͅL҉̯͍̭̫͚
it is a mantra that you cannot forget, will not forget, for you are forced to obey to its whims.
rage, so explosive stems from t̶̠̯̼̫͠ͅe͕̞̖̲̕͡r̴̴̠͚r̡͓͚̪̰͜ͅó̪̖̩̜͙͝r̴̬͓̤͓̗̝̯͙̜͢, fear of...
abandonment, of being... r̜͕̩̦͕͝e̜̣̥̹͕͍͉͢p҉̙͇͍l̢̺̣͎̗̬̩̘̥̦̀a̸̡͙̠̱̥̝͇͉͠c̣̦͙̮ę̷͈d͎̭̦̞̘͍̀͜.
you helped him discover his own monster, lurking just b̦͖͕̠̕͜ͅe҉͖̞͙̗̲̰̝͢ͅn͢͏̪̦̳̼͚e͈̕͞a͇̣͎̣̹t̛͏̯̙͙̰̪ͅͅh҉͖͕͡͝ͅ the surface, you have shared flesh, tears and joy.. and yet..
infatuation, t̵͖̯̺̩̰̞͓͚̞̕͜h̶̹̟͕̭̕e̛͎̜̫̩̹͈̕ ̴̬̹͇̹̖͈̘m̡̨̘̹̩̗͎̲ͅo͏͍̲ͅn̪͍̦͍̙̺̝͔̺͘ş̵̲̼̮̗͚̼t̴̢̯̤̳̹͞e̷̱͉̙̙̫̲͇̫r̟͙͈͇͕͡ dictates that you play second fiddle..
that he see you as the monster.. j̡̠̭̳̠͓̮͍̜͜e͟͟͏̮͕̗͎̮͈a̵̛̜͚l͏҉͓̩̰̞ờ͔̰͈̕ù̙̱̘̪̘s̙̯̞̪͉̳͉͍̩y̛̪͉̞̥̻̝̣̝̜͠,̨͈̘̭̤̹̗͉̻͘ ̢̻̥͓͎̰̪ͅͅr̵̗̯̹͇͙͠à͈̟̖̣͎̞̫́g̭̮̬̩̦ͅȩ̹̦̦͓ ͏̝̟͘a̴͔͔̤͚̹̠̲̠͢͞n̶͍̻͕̫̻d̲͖̙̗̼͖͈͠ ̖͇͍o̰̼͓͟h͘҉̱̪̟̯̘.̠̘̻̕͢.͚͉͎̺͓ͅ ̛͓̯̘̺̻t̖̲̀h̨̭̣̠̬̤͢͡e̸͖̳̣͈̲̤̖ ҉҉͉̦̳̦͢f̵̩̘̦̮̘͓̝e҉̜̮a̛͔͔͚͙̫͓͈̤̮͠ŗ̜̯͚̗̯͇.̴̷̱͕
you fear losing the closeness, you fear the love turn to lies... and you don't even love him r̶͚͓o̗̭͚̬̗̤͡͝m̟̤͍̀͢a̴̞̣̦̻̳̜͘ͅn̲͓̕͠͠ṱ̸͖̹͈̥̞͢ͅi̸͈͍͖̘c̷̛͇̪͉͇͎͚̰̺a̮͓̮̝͝l͏̠͠l̙̥̣̹̲͘͟y̰̹̖̝̜̫.҉̦̥͉͍͎̪̺. and yet, your heart bleeds on your sleeve.
he is your nas'falon, your best friend.. the soul mate in which you feel a closeness above all else. and yet by comparison..
t͈̣͕h̪̳͉͔͕͞͝i̤̮͔̖̞͖̰̺̺͡s̶̫͇̫̙̰͜ͅ ̧͈̖͚̯͔̖̰͙í̧̤͙̪͢n̟̗̺f̵̛̥͙͕̙̤͞ͅà̤̘̤̱͎̲̥͞ţ͕̼u̘a̞͎͔̱̺͎̜͞t̴̻̮͢͜į̳̪̠̺̮̀o̫͇̺͢͠n̴͓̮̰̪̤̜͘͘ ̨̟̤̹͞h͇̰̠̦͉̭̞͠a̬̺̟̻̜̣͠s̨͚̤͕͓͉̟ ͙̹͙̥͎̖̼͚t͖̲͔̙́̕͘a̟͢͡ķ̸̰̱̗̲̪̯̩͜e̙̖̰̫͔͘͟ṋ̴̛̺̘̖̦̖͡ ̶͈̭͙͉͠ỳ̯̹̮̬o͚̺̙̦̙͢u͜҉̵̜r̖̟̖̘̱͇͍̣̀͜ͅ ̲̝̠p͖̩͖̲̹̫ͅl̸̳͔̤͓̫̰̫a̧̛͇̙͎͙̦͔c̰̼̻̬̫̺̟͘ͅȩ̸̦͙̥̖̯.͙
and you're left here wondering alone when the moment will come when he will finally cast you aside, like so many have done before.
thoughts swimming, swimming, cannot contain the Á͖G̞͠O̗̲͟Ń̷̻͎̖̞̺̥Y̛͎̺̪̺̫̤̮̮̖͠.
.. and all you want, is to see him smile once more.
Published 9th Jun 2018
Author's Note
a few months ago, i met a young man, pious and loyal. we became close in an explosion of common ground and starved for romance, it started off slow but eventually.. we became more than friends. as of late, someone in his life has returned that he cares deeply for and unfortunately.. my terror of abandonment and being replaced isn't handling it well. she only resides for the weekend, but it's been rough on our friendship. this is a manifestation of my emotions.
nas'falon is dalish elvhen for - soul mate, best friend, not necessarily in a romantic sense. elves only ever have one nas'falon.
nas'falon is dalish elvhen for - soul mate, best friend, not necessarily in a romantic sense. elves only ever have one nas'falon.
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