My Tora

The moon in a river of clouds...
a little star is hidden in their mist.
Rhetorical questions that lose their meaning of existence,
My foresight to the present is resistant.

I rise and drop
my expectations.
I rise and fall
with motivations.

This hologram is ours;
an idolatry that correspondingly subsists.
going back to the meaning of the terms themselves.
I intertwine the succession of my infinite realms.

Uncanny blur
around the heart
endearing me
to its counterpart

My shadow in the mirror is dying
I couldn't care less about survival
The catalyst is your image there smiling
and here I dive again in the spiral.





I feel the pendulum of the emotions heading to the negative pole of what we may call feeling...I try and become aware of it, I know exactly what it makes me think, imagine, sense and fear...
I want to avoid those feelings again... I decide now to escape the effects of that pendulum.
I want to stay above the wave, feel nothing of those stabs on my chest..I almost aim apathy.
The only thing I feel is the cold run of a tear but I control it. I fear that I will build resistance so I won't try hard to control. I just cherish the awareness of it. Welcome it. Write about it. It's sour and bitter. I think I don't want that. Why does it keep coming back? Habit is a nasty thing. Well, it stopped now.
A repetition of images twirls in my mind. I want to keep the nice ones. I want to remember your smile always. Oh fuck, that makes me feel touched again and a little sad..I realize the first thing I do is to resist to that.
I wonder if this will end someday. I still believe in magic. The force, the dynamic...
But then the earth wakes me up. 'Get real' she says. 'The only real time is this one right now. The rest is all in your head.'
The clouds respond to her ironically shaping your heart...infused with mine.... “ your whole life is a subliminal mentality. The structure of your soul is your responsibility. Act wisely.”
Did I just feel pain? I think it gets better. It used to burn me. Now it's nostalgia...