deepundergroundpoetry.com
[ fAwL ] In Dreams
So far from "seems"
destined to travel
hand in hand amidst
our wildest dreams
Nightmares
invoke throaty screams;
spirits unravel
---falling, bruising
skinnng knees---
splayed upon gravel
paths chosen
after being awoken
before we went to sleep
helping one another
to our feet
brushing away dust
in agony
not defeat
It's all in the company
you keep
Coppered
tongues burning
lips turning red
from kissing these
road-rashed rust stains
aches, and pains
No one ever said
Life was an easy street
but where it ends ...
Love remains
Published 28th May 2018
| Edited 2nd Nov 2021
Author's Note
for Ahavati 💜
a true companion along Life's journey
and champion of Love
a true companion along Life's journey
and champion of Love
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 4
reading list entries 1
comments 7
reads 563
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
28th May 2018 8:51pm
Just wow! You captured that beautifully! Sheeesh. I felt the asphalt burn and will to go on papably.
Thank You and Well done! 😘💕
I Love You 💜😊
Thank You and Well done! 😘💕
I Love You 💜😊
28th May 2018 9:10pm
28th May 2018 9:10pm
That final couplet is divine. Absolutely. I've read it three times but honestly have no critique. . . yet. 📝😀
💜😊
💜😊
You know . . .
So far from "seems"
destined to travel
hand in hand
[ amid ] our wildest
earthly dreams
Nightmares
invoke throat[y] screams;
If you substitute 'amid' for 'in' you'd not only lose the repetition, but retain the assonance of i and pick up the consonance of m throughout the stanza into the following couplet. 📝😘💕
And throw a y on the end of throaty for the fun of it!
[nonsensebunny]
So far from "seems"
destined to travel
hand in hand
[ amid ] our wildest
earthly dreams
Nightmares
invoke throat[y] screams;
If you substitute 'amid' for 'in' you'd not only lose the repetition, but retain the assonance of i and pick up the consonance of m throughout the stanza into the following couplet. 📝😘💕
And throw a y on the end of throaty for the fun of it!
[nonsensebunny]
💜😆
Throaty is in! [nonsense]
Amid ... or amidst, which would also work well with "wildest" ....?
😙💋😊
Throaty is in! [nonsense]
Amid ... or amidst, which would also work well with "wildest" ....?
😙💋😊
29th May 2018 2:18am
I think if you change earthly to earthen, amidst would work perfectly. But with earthy, it's too much. Do you need earthy? I think it reads great without it. Then amidst would be perfect with wildest dreams.
😘💕📝
💜😊
😘💕📝
💜😊
29th May 2018 2:21am
I was thinking in terms of earthly incarnation being a dream we wake into. But, you're right. Earthly really isn't necessary.
😙💋📝
😆💜
😙💋📝
😆💜
