Do You Know?
Can I tell you something? I was thinking of our conversation tonight and I am not sure another place to put this. You have put something deep into me. And I cant shake it. Its why I wanted to end our friendship. But I think of you again, so I have to find out one more time. Is there a chance? Is there an inkling that something can come of all this anxious, neurotic turmoil I give myself? When you talk to me, I get excited. Its a visceral excitement! My hands shake and my heart starts beating faster. My body temperature rises. My focus gets distracted and I start pacing everywhere and I cant do my work anymore. I get pent up with sexual frustration because I want to take and give you my rock hard cock and taunt and tease you with it until your pussy drips with the same anxious frustration that when I just touch your pussy with my cock you are in the ecstatic and you arch your back as you grab me to go fully inside you.
Yeah, many times its like that. The intensity of it that I have to stop what I am doing and rub one out. Watching some porn and imagining you. Being as kinky as you like it. I dont know the truths to any of this. I dont know if you are kinky or if you just like it quickie or all of the above. Whatever it may be.
But when I am done. I wonder what I am doing with myself. Am I satisfied? Was it good? In my mind it all was. But you cant participate. Maybe you would. But it would be tangential. I feel like my emotions have this ebb and flow with you. They come as strong as a lightning bolt but can go just as quick. But when I want you, I want you. And given the opportunity, I would take it in a heartbeat. Without a single thought. I would fuck you and make sure it took as long as necessary. Twice if needed (which is probably would be).
Yet, sex is just something that I want from you. Its a selfish thing on my end, cause I dont know if you connect with me that way. Its not that you would not have sex with me, but I am not sure you would feel the same immensity of it. So I was wondering tonight about you, did I bite the forbidden fruit? Are you my ecstasy? Or do I love you? Can I have fallen in love with you? Is that possible? Are my obsessions about love or something unrequited? It may seem that its just sexual, but that is largely how much you turn me on. I am trying to express, with as much EMPHASIS as possible, how you make me feel alive.
Whatever the answer is, I think I need you to help me figure this out.